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“My independence was my outer shell, but he’s known about Erin since the moment things began to get real between us. I don’t feel the need to resist letting James see me for what I am… not at all. In fact, I’m relieved he tore down that wall and took charge of me. I never knew how badly I had needed someone to do that… not in the sense I’ve become submissive.” I chuckled.
“You submissive?” Billie scoffed.
I laughed. “Right, we both know that’ll never happen, but James is very perceptive to my moods. He instinctively knows the right thing to say, how to say it, and when. It’s like he’s inside my head and whenever doubt washes over me, he’s right there with encouraging words when I need them.”
Billie nodded, a crooked smile on her face, fighting a grin.
“What?” I asked. She shrugged, but there was a twinkle of mischief in her eyes.
“Go on, I know you’re bursting to lay some comeback on me,” I coaxed, grabbing a can of soda, opening it, and taking a swig of the fizzy drink. I lowered the drink from my lips and eyed her cautiously.
She shrugged again and sighed. “You sound exactly like I did when I felt unsure of myself with Sawyer, and I spoke to you about that. However, I can still remember the look of disbelief in your eyes, like you were saying, ‘no man is all that’.” Billie wandered over to the trash can, stamped her foot on pedal of it to open the lid, and crammed the last of the cartons inside.
“That’s what I believed at the time,” I reluctantly admitted through a chuckle.
“And now?” she asked, stopping in her tracks with an empty carton in her hand as she waited for my answer.
“Oh … James is definitely all that,” I replied with a wink.
“Tricia Mattison’s in lurve,” she teased in a low tone.
“That’s not a secret. James and I …” I hesitated, but became lost for words as how to define us. “We work. He’s everything I never thought was real, but with therapy and now there’s all this with Erin …” I sighed and an insecure thought slipped out. “What if he gets tired of it all?”
“Tired? James? The way he looks at you, it’s a wonder your bones haven’t melted. That guy is so into you I’m surprised you still breathe for yourself. I’m sure if he could do that for you as well, he would.” I chuckled, boosted by Billie’s response.
My curious eyes flitted over toward him again. His head was down, listening intently to his brother. They looked deep in conversation, but as if he’d felt me watching him, James glanced over toward us and flashed a smile toward us. Turning to Sawyer, he muttered something to him before he rose to his feet. Seconds later he sidled up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.
“Are you missing me?” he whispered into my ear. Billie smirked knowingly.
“See?” she teased. “Can’t keep his hands off you,” she joked.
“She’s right, I can’t,” he mumbled low and rumbly against my cheek, as his arms tightened around my front. “Come sit on my lap, I have something I want to show you,” he teased wickedly, wagging his brows. Both Billie and I cracked up laughing at the inference until his gorgeous eyes widened in shock. “Ladies. Really? Get those minds out of the gutter and get your fine asses over onto that couch.” Nodding toward Billie he shook his head. “You’re a married woman, Billie Wild. Does your husband know how your mind works?”
“She’s full of debauchery that one, mind like a sewer after a few glasses of wine,” Sawyer chipped in, laughing.
“Sawyer, that’s a lie,” Billie choked out, as her cheeks turned pink. I knew she felt embarrassed by the way she grabbed a dish towel and began folding it. That or she had needed something to keep her hands from throttling either her husband or James.
“That’s not how it had sounded when you were lying beneath me last night,” Sawyer continued, his bright eyes dancing playfully toward his wife.
“Right, stop … just stop.” Billie glared, flushed red, and looked mortified. Both James and I chuckled at the same time at her open-jawed expression as she thought what to say next. It was obvious to us that Sawyer had called her on something private and he was sharing a secret joke with her, but letting us know Billie wasn’t as pure minded as she’d have liked us to believe.
Sawyer came to her rescue by talking about organizing a family trip to Vermont. James had thought it a great idea, but I felt nervous about spending time with their family. Although we’d lived together, I still hadn’t been formally acknowledged by James to his family as his long-term partner, because during my therapy I hadn’t felt I could face anything else.
I’d met Ronnie and Harriett, James’ parents, on several occasions, mainly around Sawyer and Billie’s wedding, but I hadn’t been introduced as his significant other. Sawyer’s suggestion made me realize how neglectful of James’ needs I had become, having been too distracted with therapy. I also wondered if James had thought me too delicate to introduce me to anyone when he hadn’t pushed for this to happen.
“What do you say, Tricia? Are you up for this? It won’t be until all the kids are on school vacation, there’s a lot to plan with the number of people, jobs, and whatnot involved,” James probed.
“Are you?” I asked hesitantly, because the last thing on my mind was a vacation, and facing all the questions that would come if and when they knew about Erin.
“There will come a time soon when I’ll have to stop hogging you to myself and let my family see for themselves this fabulous woman who commands all of my time.”
“Hmm, is that what I did?”
“Baby, you can command anything of me, and I’d do my best to accommodate you, but my family should learn how amazing you are for themselves.”
What the hell will they think when they learn about Erin and my sordid past? I frowned, worried they’d be judgemental.
“What?” James’ eyes grew dark, as a crease knitted his brow.
