AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Dad?” I asked, kneeling beside him. Within seconds we were locked in a hug. It was the first time he’d felt frail in my arms, and it was that fact alone that brought a lump to my throat. I heard him inhale, felt it too, as his breath sucked in my presence when he drew comfort from me.
“I’m sorry, Dad,” I said, because I truly was. I was sad for him, sad for Marnie, and sad that I didn’t feel as desperately sad about her loss as I should have. An attack of guilt mingled with distress hit me with that thought and I burst into tears, because when all was said and done, she had still been my mom.
James and Franco had been the very people my father needed, talking to him late into the night. First about my mom, then more generally about life and their passions, and at around 3:00 a.m. the following morning after my mom had died, my father finally fell asleep in his chair.
Marnie and I didn’t sleep much at all, talking about the memorial service my mom had typically arranged on her own. We both laughed when my father had directed Marnie to a box in the cabinet that had held all the details. From songs and verses she’d wanted read out, to what she’d wanted to say to my father, right down to the rose-colored casket with the brushed brass handles she preferred.
Right to the end our mom had been controlling, ensuring everything was done to her tune. As in life, she had manipulated her own funeral, guaranteeing she’d had the last word until she became dust.
* * *
The day Mom was buried it rained, in fact, it had rained so hard the pastor could hardly be heard as he committed her body to the ground. My grandma used to say, “Happy are the dead when it rains,” which I had thought was strange since the dead were under the ground, but whatever.
In my view, I’d hoped she was because my mom had never been happy in life since she cared so much what other people thought, instead of focusing on what should have been most important in her thoughts—us.
James and Franco had taken care of my father all during the wake and into the evening, sticking close to his side, ensuring he’d felt supported, while Marnie and I played the dutiful daughters and hosted the wake in Mom’s name. It had been a long harrowing day for all of us and by the time the last person left I’d felt drained.
“Thank God, that’s over with,” Marnie stated, kicking off her heels and spreading her toes on the carpet after I’d closed the door on the last guest. “What are we going to do now for drama since our mom’s not around anymore?” My eyes locked into hers and we stood in a stare for what felt like a moment too long. “Jesus, what? Don’t tell me you’re pregnant or something?” she asked, in her usual no-nonsense tone. I knew it had been her noir sense of humor that had spoken, but she’d had no possible idea how close to the mark her comment had been.
I’m not sure whether it had been due to the recent grief I had suffered, the anger I’d felt about my mom’s sudden departure, or it had been more of a case of not being able to hold on to my secret a moment longer I heard myself say, “Yeah, about that.” Marnie chuckled, but when she saw how seriously I stared at her, her smile froze on her face.
Gasping, her jaw hung slack for a second. “You’re not … are you?” She shook her head, her voice sounded slightly hysterical. “I mean, isn’t it too late?” she babbled, looking confused and desperately trying to find something else to say.
“No, I’m not pregnant—”
“Fuck, Tricia, don’t do that to me. You really had me going for a minute there,” she interjected, cutting me off.
“But I do have something I need to tell you. Something I should have told you from the beginning.”
The instant the words were out, my heart rate doubled and I fought hard without success to control a bout of nerves that took over my body. Shaking uncontrollably as I stood behind the breakfast bar, I leaned on the countertop for support and took a deep breath when I prepared to share my story.
“You remember shortly after your basic training, you got stationed down in Maryland, and then later that autumn how you were deployed overseas?
“Yeah?” she questioned, looking puzzled.
“Remember how Bradley went to visit his grandpa and I was devastated you were both going away, leaving me alone for the summer? So for most of that summer I stayed home, but I was tutoring math with Donnie Clark.”
“He got a full scholarship to Maine, right?” Marnie asked. I nodded, angry that his life had gone on for a while carefree, while mine had never been the same since that night.
“Well, there’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to come straight out with it. Donnie and I had gotten quite close again through that vacation because we’d spent so much time studying together, but I was invited to a party by Alice, Jenna, and Sandra and I got really drunk. You remember Alice’s brother, Kent?” Marnie nodded. “He drove us all home and Donnie walked me up the path to our place, but I was too drunk and knew I’d never make it across that branch to my bedroom without killing myself or Mom catching me. Donnie suggested we go to his barn and… I slept with Donnie.” Marnie wrinkled her nose at the thought of me with Donnie.
“Donnie Clark?”
I nodded. “I was so drunk that night I had no idea I had when I woke up. I’d thought I’d dreamed it because of the alcohol … until I saw my panties on the floor and the memory came flooding back.”
Marnie shrugged. “We all did stupid things at sixteen, Tricia.”
“No, listen. Yes, that was stupid, but I need to tell you something I should have admitted that night here when you were talking about your DNA test. Erin? The woman who contacted you on that DNA tracking site, or whatever it’s called.” I took Marnie’s hand. “You really are her maternal aunt, because she’s my daughter.”
My sister’s face looked ashen, her tired drawn appearance from grief suddenly several shades paler than it already had been.
“Wha … how … I mean … fuck, are you serious?” Jumping to her feet she ran her hand through her blonde, crew cut hair. “You had a baby and had it adopted?” she shrieked, and my eyes darted toward the door leading to the sitting room where James, Franco, and our dad sat.
“Shh, keep it down.”
“What do you mean keep it down? James doesn’t know?” she hissed close to my face, her eyes bugging like they were going to fall out of her head. Marnie had never been one to shock easily, but my news had blown her away.
“Yes, James knows,” I snipped, my eyes darting in the direction of the sitting room again, “but Dad has no idea.” My heart felt tight in my chest from all the deceit, and I had thought it might explode from all the stress, anxiety, and heartache my mother and I may have caused my dad and my sister.
