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“Look at me,” I commanded, cupping her chin, I turned her face to look at me.
“Who knows?” I asked, “Billie?”
Tricia shook her head. “My mom… you.” She shrugged helplessly and swallowed hard when fresh tears brimmed in her eyes.
“Not even your father? Any friends?” She shook her head again and I realized the significance of her telling me. It was an ultimate test of trust, but also an honest attempt to free me.
“Is this why you never married? Never had kids?” Watching her as she thought, her eyes ticking back and forth over my features, she swallowed roughly again.
“I have only trusted a couple of men in my life. My father, Bradley, and you. These,” she said, directing me to the small scars on her abdomen, “I lied about these when I had an opportunity to tell you the truth. These aren’t piercings… well; they are of a sort. They’re laparoscopic surgery site scars. After my mom made me give my baby away, I found a sympathetic surgeon abroad and chose to be sterilized when I turned thirty. It would appear money can buy most things,” she disclosed, poking her fingers over the scars.
My head reeled from her admissions and I fought the urge to scream in desperation from her plight. She had never trusted any man enough with her secret, and it struck me instantly this was her way of showing her unconditional love for me in return. Tricia would rather me be with someone else and have a child, than deny me that choice.
“First thing we’re going to do is get you some help, baby. You should have had it decades ago. What the fuck was your mother thinking?”
“Of the neighbors, of my father, he idolized me, she thought if he knew it would kill him. She figured I still had my life once the baby had been adopted. Sometimes it feels like what happened was some horrible dream. But it wasn’t. I was a minor and my mom had parental responsibility.”
“Why did you never tell Marnie?”
“I don’t know … maybe I didn’t want to disappoint her? Or maybe it was because she was an honorable soldier, my father’s pride and joy, with everyone thanking her for her service. If what had happened to me had gotten out it would have disgraced her.” My heart crushed inside my chest that despite what she’d been through at that tender age, she had still chosen to protect others before herself. “James, please… don’t feel you have to stay with me, I couldn’t bear it if you did out of pity.”
“It’s not pity I feel, I’m fuming that you’ve carried this all on your own.” I stroked her hair with my wet hand. “And you’re not getting rid of me either. I’m staying… if you’ll have me. Kids or not, I’m already yours.” Tears streamed down her face and I wiped them away, kissing her on the forehead and nose. “When Bradley told me that tale in Denver, I was angry with a guy I had never even met. Now I know your history, I’m fucking glad he’s dead because it’s saved me from going to prison. I would have hunted that fucker down. To be honest, I’m livid he’s dead and I don’t have that option.”
Covering her face with her hands, Tricia slid down under the water. When she stayed there, I wrapped my hand around her wrist and pulled her back up to the surface.
“Come on, get out, you need something to eat after the shock you’ve had.” Helping her to her feet, I grabbed a large bath sheet and cocooned her in it as she stepped out. “Do you want me to dry you or get started in the kitchen?” What I’d learned about Tricia was I could only do so much before she felt stifled, and the last thing I had wanted to do in that situation was suffocate her.
“Eggs would be good, I suppose,” she mumbled, securing the towel under her arm.
“Okay, if the lady wants eggs,” I whispered with a soft kiss next to her ear before planting another on her shoulder. “I’ll be in the kitchen,” I told her. She looked vulnerable and lost in front of the mirror as I left the bathroom, but I knew I had to give her space to breathe. My heart crushed in my chest when I thought how her ordeal had tortured her to her core, but I figured since she had broken the ice by telling me, she’d felt ready to face what had unfairly shaped her past.
