AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Chapter Twenty-Two
Stretching leisurely from sleep, my hand slid across the bottom sheet expecting to find Sawyer's warm body somewhere close by.
When I reached the edge of the bed and he wasn't there, my eyes flew open and for a second I wondered if I'd imagined him coming back. My heart felt heavy in the seconds before I found his gray button-down strewn over my bedside chair.
Sliding out of bed, I took a quick shower to freshen up, pulled on some skinny blue jeans and a jade green sweater and blow-dried my hair. Cracking my bedroom door open, I heard Sawyer's familiar tone filter up from my kitchen below. What the hell?
When I heard Tricia mention my name, I crept along the landing toward the stairs. I knew it was sneaky, but it was an ideal opportunity to hear how Sawyer felt about me when I wasn't around. Usually, I wasn't one to eavesdrop, but I figured what woman wouldn't after what I'd been through with Logan?
"Five weeks," I heard him tell her. I mentally cast my mind back and figured he was about right and it reminded me how fast we'd progressed in such little time.
"Still very new then," Tricia replied like she hadn't been kept in the loop at every stage of development.
"Timewise, yeah, and me being on the road hasn't helped, but I didn't need time to know how I feel about Billie. My dad met my mom and they married five months later, my sister and her husband even less. I used to laugh when my father said I'd know when I met the right girl. Now? Well, I guess he's smarter than I gave him credit for. I don't know, maybe it's in the family genes because I was attracted—no—connected to Billie from the get go." My heart raced when I heard him tell my best friend, a girl he'd only just met, how he felt about me.
"After Logan, she'll find it hard to trust anyone else."
"Billie's had a tough time for sure, and her ex did a number on her confidence by doing what he did, but I'm not going anywhere."
"She needs time," I heard Tricia say like she was willing Sawyer to slow down, and I wondered how much time I would need to heal, to allow myself to accept Sawyer's determination that I was the one he couldn't live without, didn't want to live without.
"I agree, and I can't say I blame her, especially considering Colby and how she needs to prioritize him, but I can be patient. She's worth the wait. I want to get it across that nothing about her situation, her age, or anything else puts me off," he responded animatedly. The certainty in his tone made my heart clench and love him a little more.
It was obvious from the noises in the kitchen Tricia was making them coffee. "Thanks," he said, and I imagined her passing him some. "From a couple of times I've met Logan, I got a feel for the kind of man he is. He's domineering and self-centered, and even though he left Billie, he thinks it's okay to use Colby to control her, while maintaining a life of his own."
"Amen, brother. That's exactly why she's scared. If you don't mind me saying so, she's pretty hung up on the age difference between you, but you know this already. Have you thought about children and if you want them in the future?"
"I do mind you saying so," he replied, his voice carrying a low gritty tone of frustration. "As far as I'm concerned, there are no issues, only little bumps in the road for both of us until Billie accepts she's the woman I want to be with. Kids or no kids. I've never felt as … I was going to say comfortable, but that's the wrong word. Comfortable is the last feeling she evokes in me when I'm with her. I feel whole like my chest is full, and there's an intimacy I get from just looking at her."
"Damn," Tricia said, chuckling.
"It's true. When I'm not with her I get a sense of urgency running through me, an unsettling, gnawing sensation, like I need to get back to her as soon as possible. I hate not being near her, like when I was on tour, you know?"
Tears sprang to my eyes when a cocktail of emotions mingled in my stomach which both excited and scared me to death. I knew for certain my feelings for him ran as deep as Sawyer's did for me, and there was no calling off what we had. Now I was with him I never wanted us to end.
"Can't say I've ever felt like that about anyone," Tricia replied wistfully.
"What can I say? She makes me feel things I never knew I could feel before. I know I sound crazy, and it's hard to imagine after the short time I've known her, but my father is right: when you know, you know, I guess. As far as kids go, Billie already has a son. In this case, it's a bonus; Colby doesn't make her any less attractive."
"Have you at least talked about it? All of these issues need to be aired if Billie's going to feel secure in the long term, if you both think that's where this is heading."
"We did already, and I never went into this relationship thinking, 'Billie's body clock is ticking,' or calculating how many years we had left to have a family, or wondering what we'd do if I wanted kids and she felt like she's already closed that chapter of her life. She knows how I feel about the matter. On our second date, she asked me if I wanted children, and I told her I'd love to be a father. I think I'd be good in that role."
"Really? And how did she react?" I swallowed hard when I remembered the knot in the pit of my stomach that day.
"She didn't—well not overtly—but I knew as soon as the conversation stalled, she'd tripped off down some negative path in her head."
"I can understand why she'd have concerns about that."
"Then she should have questioned me further. Maybe I didn't make it clear enough for her. If she had listened, really listened to my reply, she'd have heard me tell her I'd love to be a father. That doesn't mean I need to have kids of my own. In time, sharing my life with her and Colby would probably fill that need in me, if we get that far. Even if we did want more kids, I'm not hung up on the biological part of being a dad. One of my sisters has an adopted son."
With every question Tricia asked, Sawyer's sensible head and honest heart negated my worries. And he'd never mentioned his sister's son was adopted. Children had been one of my biggest concerns about my age, and he'd dispelled it the moment he spoke about Colby. I knew he could not have cared less about me and my son as a package.
"I hope it works out for you both."
"Thanks, I'm banking on it. Knowing you have her back as well means a lot to me. I'm quietly confident we'll get there, but I have to confess there are moments when I see her retreat into her mind, and I get worried she'll shut me down."
My cell fell from my hand to the floor, shocking myself almost as much as his admission had shocked me, and a wave of guilt washed over me for making him feel insecure about me. Swiping it up off the floor, I realized I hadn't considered how my insecurities may have fed negatively into Sawyer's views about us and quickly jogged down the stairs.
