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“Wait, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it. It just takes one to know one, you know?”
I turn back to look at her, surprised that she knows what I’m going through.
“It’s a long story.”
She nods and rubs my arm. The motion is meant to be comforting, but, for some reason, all that I feel from her touch is pity and bitterness. I gently move away from her until her hand drops from my arm.
“I understand. It’s not easy to talk about. I also don’t blame you for stopping this. It’s been three months since he broke up with me, and I thought I was ready for it, but I’ll admit that I’m relieved you turned me down.”
Three months?
I shuffle my feet, ready to bolt if she asks me how long Tanya has been gone. The fact that she’s ready to start moving on after three months makes me feel like maybe Josh is right about me taking so long, but on the other hand, her boyfriend broke up with her; Tanya just disappeared.
There has been no closure for me. I don’t know if she really did run away. If someone took her. I have no idea what has happened to her and where she has been for the last nine years.
One day she was here, and the next she was gone. I didn’t bother trying to find her family. She wasn’t close to any of them and had cut off contact with them before we met. I knew that if she did run, there was no way she would run to any of them.
I clear my throat and take another step away from her.
“Yeah, well, I’m still sorry I let it go so far before stopping us.”
I can’t meet her eyes, and I want nothing more than to run out of this club. She smiles at me and grabs her purse from the table.
“Don’t sweat it. I’m going to go find our friends.”
She turns and walks out of the VIP area, and I let out a forceful breath before taking a seat. I know Josh is going to come find me and complain at me. I run my hands through the short strands of my hair and sit with my head in my hands until Josh comes to find me.
“Dude, what the hell? I thought you were going to take her home. Now her friend won’t leave her alone and is going to go with her.”
I look up at him, and when he sees the look on my face, he stops and sighs.
“You really need to move on, man. No matter what happened, she’s not coming back.”
He shoves his hands into his pockets and turns to leave the section again. With him gone and the night now a bust, I just want to go home. Hopefully, now that I’ve had plenty of alcohol, I will be able to fall asleep quickly.
Steven is waiting for me outside, next to the dark gray Toyota Land Cruiser that I just recently purchased. It’s the newest model and its sleek but bulky build drew me in. The seats are black fabric, and the backseat is roomy for someone of my height. When I walk out of the club, swaying side to side, he gets out and walks around to open the back door for me. I stumble and nearly trip getting into the back, and I see his eyebrows come together over his eyes in a look of concern before he closes the door and gets back into the driver seat.
“Everything alright, sir?”
I nod my head once in response, then turn to stare out the window. He takes the hint that I am not going to talk about it with him, and he starts the car and pulls away from the curb.
I go on autopilot on the way home. My brain is numb from the many drinks, and the passing scenery lulls me into a type of trance. I don’t even notice that we’ve arrived home until my driver clears his throat.
“Sir, we’re back.”
I look around and see that we’ve parked in one of my spots in the garage, and Steven is waiting for me to get out. I thank him and fumble my way out of the car and to the elevator. I have to lean against the wall while I wait for the elevator to arrive, the drinks finally catching up to me and making me drowsy.
The doors finally open, and I have to put in a code to get up to the penthouse. It takes me a few tries, but I finally get it in and stand against the back wall while it gains speed as it rises. I must have started to doze off, because the ding of the elevator arriving at my floor jerks me awake and I jump.
I take one step into my cold apartment and stare around at the dark room. It’s an open floor plan, and from where I stand in the entryway, I can see the whole first floor. Across from me is the living room with the back wall made of windows overlooking Central Park, and all I can see at this time of night past my balcony are lights from the city. My housekeeper, a middle-aged woman who has been with me since I got started, has already gone to bed and has left a light on for me.
I start toward my bedroom and stop just in front of the door. I don’t want to spend another night in there without someone next to me. I turn as quickly as I can without falling over and make my way to my office. I have some emails waiting for me, and I want to look them over before I fall sleep on the couch that I have in there. There have been many nights over the years where that couch has been my safe haven late into the night.
I make it to my office and stare at the giant mahogany desk with my laptop on it and decide that I don’t have the energy to open emails right now. I turn to the couch against the windows and fall face first into the couch, hoping that I can fall asleep before my mind can start to wander again. I don’t want to think anymore, but one last thought drifts through my mind before I can stop it.
I’m going to find you, Tanya, no matter how long it takes me.
3
