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“What are you thinking right now?”
I can feel my face flush at his question, so I look around to avoid his eyes.
His chuckle is low, and it makes my stomach clench.
“I think I can tell.”
I lift my eyes back up to his, and he takes another step closer to me, just barely touching me. His eyes are dark, his lips are pulled into a smirk, and all I want is for him to kiss me.
“Daddy!”
We jerk apart at the sound of Sophia’s voice, and he groans and says, “Hold that thought.”
He squats down to scoop her into his arms, and I look around again at all the parents and kids, making sure no one saw us. There is a group of moms to the side of us; they are all watching Chandler, and I recognize the look in their eyes.
Back off, ladies; he’s mine.
I surprise myself with that thought and turn away from the women to point my hand toward the road home.
“Alright, Soph, lead the way home. You can tell Daddy about your day on the way.”
I just want to get out of here and away from all the women giving Chandler bedroom eyes. I don’t like being jealous. I follow behind them and watch as they walk hand in hand on the way home. I take a quick picture and send it to Chandler. He takes his phone out, and when he sees what I sent him, he turns to me and smiles.
Him being here right now makes the worries and stress I had earlier fade. No matter what happens between him and me, at least I know that he loves Sophia as much as I do. She deserves to have the love of both parents, and he can provide her with things that I can’t. He has enough money that I know she will want for nothing in her life, and I can’t risk messing that up for her.
We make it home, and the two of them set up at the kitchen table to do her homework while I figure out what to make for dinner tonight. While I walk around the kitchen looking to see what all we have, I am fully aware of Chandler’s presence.
I need to tell him about my dreams and ask him if the things I’m remembering are real. I need to know if my memories are truly coming back or not. If he tells me that none of it happened, then I will know that they are never coming back. But if he says these things did happen and the little things I’m remembering are true, then there is some hope.
Please let these be real memories.
After dinner, I get Sophia in the shower, and after she’s in her pj’s, the three of us gather on the couch and watch a movie. Sophia sits in Chandler’s lap and pulls me close so that I’m pressed into Chandler’s side and she can put her feet in my lap. She covers us with a blanket that I keep on the couch for movie nights and cuddles in with one of her stuffies held to her chest.
Chandler looks over at me when she’s settled, and we both have to work at not laughing.
My girl is just too cute.
I start the movie, and about ten minutes in, I feel Chandler shift; he has one arm wrapped around Sophia and lifts the one I’m leaning on to settle it on the back of the couch behind me, his hand resting on my shoulder. I turn my head to look at him and raise a questioning eyebrow at him. He just smiles at me, his eyes glinting with how happy he is in this moment.
Can we really get past everything and be a family?
Even though I was once part of his world at one point, it feels as if we are from two different places. I can’t help but wonder if we are just getting caught up in it all. Is he just holding on to someone from his past that no longer exists? Am I holding on to someone that connects me to a past I don’t remember? It’s hard to tell what is real and what is just us trying to make real. There is still a little voice in the back of my head that questions why I left him in the first place. If we were so in love, then what would cause me to flee?
I don’t pay much attention to the movie, too lost in thought to care about what’s going on, but at one point Chandler and Sophia laugh at something, and I’m hit with a picture of another time.
Chandler and I are sitting on a bench swing on someone’s porch. His arm is around me as he rocks us back and forth gently. He’s laughing at something someone said, and I look up at him as he turns to me.
“If we have kids someday, remind me to never let Josh watch them.”
I shake my head and laugh, standing up from the swing and collecting the bottles of beer from the table.
It’s like a slide show of images in my head, each moment a freeze frame from a movie. I look to Chandler, and when he looks at me, he cocks his head to the side as if to ask me what’s going on. I don’t want to disturb Sophia and ruin the bonding moment we are having, so I shake my head at him and turn back to the movie, trying to figure out if what I just saw was a memory.
It felt like a memory.
We put on a second movie after Sophia practically begs us to, and about halfway through, I look over to see that she has fallen asleep on Chandler’s chest.
Quietly, so I don’t wake her, I whisper, “Do you want me to take her to bed?”
