Page 8 of Ataraxia


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“So.” Madison sipped her coffee and clicked her tongue. Here she goes, poking and prodding into my life again. She was my best friend, but goddamn, did she get on my nerves from time to time.

“So?” I echoed.

“Are you going to tell me more about the delicious piece of man candy that I saw leaving your apartment this morning, or will I have to make up my own story?” She would too, and then tell Alexis all about it. She licked her upper lip of the foam from her drink and raised a blonde brow. With the level of imagination she had when it came to sex, I swear she could write a book.

I chuckled, shaking my head at her and then letting out a long sigh. “There isn’t much to tell. We went out last night, got drunk, and I decided—after you and Alexis abandoned me for those twins—that I was going to take my dessert to-go.”

If I remember correctly, Alexis wanted to take both of them home herself, but Madison challenged her, and they both disappeared onto the dance floor with them. The bar we were at had a DJ playing and free drinks for ladies from ten to midnight, so we were pretty lit up by the end of it.

“First of all, we didn’t abandon you, and secondly, those twins were not as entertaining as they should’ve been. We found out after you had left that they were in the bar with fake IDs.” She cringed.

“Is that so? Was that before or after you took them home?” I couldn't help but cover my mouth to suppress a laugh. The twins looked young, but I didn't think they were that young. They wanted to play a game of "pick me" and I'm glad I didn't participate. I dodged a bullet there.

“Yep, they were practically babies. And no, we didn’t take them home because they got busted and escorted out by the bouncer. It was actually quite embarrassing. We left shortly after once we noticed you had already left.” She blew out a breath and took another sip of her coffee.

“So what you are really saying is that I made out like a bandit last night with Jake, and you are jealous of me.” I gave her a saccharine smile. She wasn’t jealous; she couldn’t care less, but I always liked to rile her up when I could. It was always fun to mess with her.

“Oh, hold on,” she leaned forward and held her hand up, “you remembered his name this time? Well done, girl. Now that’s a step in the right direction. I’m so proud of you.” She placed her hand on her chest, and I rolled my eyes. Touché. “At this rate, you will have your first serious boyfriend in—” she checked her phone, “another two years.” Again, she wasn’t wrong; I never remembered their names after the fact. I was surprised that I still remembered Jake's name; it must be because it is such a common name.

“Keep pushing me, Mads, and I will never claim a man just to spite you.” I gestured toward her with my cup as I reclined in my seat, took another sip of my coffee, and then shifted my gaze back to the sculpture garden across the street.

Madison sighed and leaned back in her chair. Her long, white-blonde hair was pulled back in a ponytail, and she wore black aviator sunglasses today.

We have been best friends since high school. Her family took me in as adoptive parents when I was only fifteen. My parents died in a tragic accident one night, leaving me with no known extended family to take care of me.

Fortunately, Madison's parents were looking to adopt as they had struggled to conceive her, and she had always wanted a sibling. Even at fifteen, she didn't care about the age gap; she was just tired of being an only child. We became instant friends when I was placed in her home. She had always wanted a sister, and when I showed up, she got exactly what she wanted, even more so because I was her age.

Their original plan was to have a baby, but her parents felt the age gap would be too wide. I owe everything to her and her parents. They loved me as if I were their own. I never spoke about the accident with any of them, even Madison. For the most part, I just switched myself off. I still remember how numb I felt that night. It's just another reason why it’s been so hard for me even to consider loving anyone the way my parents loved each other. I have been switched off for half of my life.

I still think about my parents and their love for each other. I had once dreamed of having a passionate and never-ending love like theirs. They would have died for each other if given the choice. But after having them ripped away from me so quickly, that dream quickly burned to ash. And while I loved Madison like a sister and her parents as my own, it is not the same as the love I felt for my parents.

I would have burned the world to the ground to save them.

Now, I feel absolutely nothing. I still remember the shell of a child that was dropped off at their doorstep. Her parents were always concerned that I never truly grieved the loss and that one day, I would snap. But I never did and still haven’t.

After high school, Madison and I went our separate ways for college. She moved to Minnesota while I headed west to Nevada. We stayed in touch through texts and video calls. Her parents living in Wisconsin made it an easy choice for her, but I needed to leave the Midwest. I was born and raised there, and I didn’t feel the need to stay any longer.

After graduating, I chose to return to Minnesota to be near her. Although living on my own in Nevada was enjoyable at first, the excitement eventually faded, and I longed to be closer to her. Even though we're not related by blood, we are sisters at heart.

When I relocated to Minneapolis, I contacted Madison, and she promptly helped me secure a job at her workplace. She mentioned that there had been a vacant position for quite some time. That was three years ago, and here we are now, drinking coffee at our favorite spot before work.

I initially hesitated to work with her, thinking we would spend too much time together, but that wasn’t the case. She never really talked about her job or specifically what she did; it was always vague. I was going in blind when she brought me in for an interview, but now we make the best team, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Madison keeps me grounded.

“Well, look at these two gorgeous bitches, basking in the late morning sun. I see my invitation for coffee was lost.” A smooth voice emanated from the woman standing before our table, blocking my sunlight. She dropped her oversized handbag with a thud on the ground beside me. Her shoulder-length, dirty blonde hair was half up and held back with a small clear clip. She dragged a chair from the table next to us, not caring if anyone was using it, and plopped down beside me.

“Hello, Lex, to what do we owe the pleasure?” I tilted my head at her.

Alexis and her sassy personality. I met her when I started working with Madison. It took us a while to get along, but eventually, we did, and now we are just as close as I am to Madison. I still remember when we first met, and we got into the biggest catfight over nothing—well, it wasn’t nothing, but it wasn’t anything worth fighting over either.

It was over a guy.

I won.

“What? I can’t participate in your morning coffee ritual anymore?” She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

“With how I had to practically carry you into your apartment last night, I assumed you would be completely hung over and sleeping the entire day away. Besides, didn’t you have to prepare things for our meeting today?” Madison sat a little straighter in her chair, setting her cup on the table and pulling out her phone.

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