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"Okay," he says, nodding. "If you say so." He closes the door again and I look over at Elisabetta.
"Girl, that's not that bad. I know it's happened to other people."
"I shit on a rando while he was doing me up the ass." She stares at me. “Not just a little shit. A lot of shit. I never want to see that man again."
"Okay." I nod. "And you never have to see him again. We can make sure of that."
"And now I feel guilty."
"Why do you feel guilty?"
"Because freaking Tombstone sent me a text message saying that he wishes he could be the man that I wanted and he was sorry about tonight. And I feel like a slut."
"You're not a slut. It's not like Tombstone's your man."
"I know, but...what's going on with me?" She stares at me. "I just feel stupid."
"Girl, you're not stupid. You obviously were hornier than you thought and you just wanted to get laid. It happens."
"Yeah, I guess."
"And it's not your fault you shit on this dude. I mean, he was kind of asking for it if he wanted to do anal."
"What?" she says.
"It's never happened to me per se, but I've heard of plenty of people who have shit when doing anal."
"Really?" Her lips twitch, and I nod.
"Yeah." I give her a hug. "You did wash, right?"
"I'm wet. Of course I washed."
"Just checking. I don't want to be hugging my shitty best friend."
"I'm no longer shitty," she says, giggling. "Though the sheets under this duvet may?—"
"Ew." I jump up. "Are you freaking kidding me?"
"I didn't have time to rip them off, but it's not like I was doing it on the duvet. We were doing it on the sheets. The duvet is covering anything that..."
"Oh my gosh. Elisabetta, this is gross. I am going into the living room. Put on some clothes and join us."
"I don't even want to stay here tonight," she says, shaking her head. "I want to go to the Ritz or something and just relax in a big king-size bed that doesn't have remnants of shit or cum." She wrinkles her nose. "Because you know he came, right?"
"Honestly, I don't want to know," I say giggling. "I really don't. This is like the grossest story I've ever heard."
"I guess I could be on a poster for why you do not want to engage in anal sex with strangers," she says, joking, and I have to stifle a snort. It’s really not a laughing matter. I am not going to make a joke about adult diapers.
I don’t think she will appreciate it.
It’s too soon. Way too soon.
"Why don't you put on some clothes and I'll see if Radium's gone? And maybe I'll ask Kingston if he can take us to a hotel."
"You don't have to stay with me," she says. "If you want to be with him tonight…"
"What?"
