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"Of course I have, but that doesn't mean I meet a random dude on a site and invite him over, especially after another guy had already been here."
"It's not like I fucked Tombstone. Come on. It's not like I'm fucking two different guys on the same night, which would not be the worst thing to ever happen in the world, by the way."
"I'm not judging you. You know that, Elisabetta." I let out a deep sigh. I have no idea what's going on with my best friend, why she's all of a sudden lost it. All I know is that I can just be there for her. "So what happened?"
"He gets here and he's cute. You know I like that surfer look."
"Yeah, he does kind of look like a surfer or a skateboarder."
"Anyway, we're in the bed and he's like, 'How adventurous are you?'"
"Okay?"
"And I was like, 'I'm more adventurous than Christopher Columbus.'"
"What?" I stare at her.
"You know, Christopher Columbus, the explorer."
"Okay."
"Maybe I should've said Marco Polo, huh?"
"Elisabetta, stick to the story."
"Sorry," she says, grinning. "Anyway, he's like, 'You want to do anal?' And I was like, 'I don't know.' And he's like, 'I've got lube.' And I should've been like, 'Why do you have lube?' But anyway. I'm like, 'He's hot and what the fuck, let me just go with it.'"
"Okay?" I say, blinking, not wanting to ask my best friend why she thought anal with a perfect stranger was a good idea.
"Anyway, he's fucking me pretty good."
I stare at her. "Okay."
"And then I feel his fingers all over me and he does this move."
"What move?" I ask her.
"Girl, I'm not even sure because everything that happened next happened so quickly." She makes a face.
"What happened next?"
"I shit on his dick."
"You what?" I almost scream and then lower my voice as we hear footsteps. The doors open and I see Kingston standing there.
"Is everything okay?" He looks concerned.
"Yeah, she's fine. She's just telling me what happened. Sorry."
"Okay." He nods. "Because I'm going to get this dude to leave because I don't really think he sounds like he is mentally with it." He looks at me and then he looks at Elisabetta. "Are you okay? Do you want me to call the cops? Do you want?—"
"No, I'm fine. I'm just mortified," she says. "Absolutely mortified. That has never happened to me before."
He blinks in confusion. "Sorry, I don't really know what you're talking about."
I stare at Elisabetta and she looks down in shame. "You can tell him later, only because he's here and he's going to want to know, but I do not want to be a party to the conversation when you tell him."
"Okay," I say. "Everything's fine, Kingston. Will you just get Radium to leave?"
