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"Oh my God, it was totally not funny, but I can't stop laughing."
"I mean, it's sounding great so far," Juniper says. "What happened? Did he ask you to pay or something?"
"No." I shake my head. "Anyway, he finally stops me and says that he actually doesn't agree with the consumption of caviar, which I thought was really weird because I'm like, 'Why are you buying caviar for our date if you don't agree with it?' But I was just like, maybe he's doing it because even though he doesn't like it, he still wants to impress me."
I glare at Elisabetta as she starts hiccuping.
"Anyway, he finally pays another $500 and as we leave the store loaded down with even more bags, I turn to him and I'm going, 'Hey, I agreed to this date because I really liked you and it had nothing to do with how much money you have.' And he stares at me blankly and he is like, 'What are you talking about?' I'm like, 'You just spent like, $800 to make a fancy lunch or picnic for us.' And he's like, 'This isn't just for one meal.' And I was like, 'Oh, you're being presumptuous, aren't you?' And he was like, 'What are you talking about?' And I was like, 'You think I'm going to stay with you for the rest of the week?' And he was like, 'Huh?' And I was like, 'Well, you got all this food and it's not going to be for one meal.' And he was like, 'This isn't my food.' And of course, I just stare at him in confusion and I'm like, 'What are you talking about? I thought you were buying this for our date.' He was like, 'We're doing Instacart shopping.'"
"No way!" Lila bursts out laughing. Marie giggles loudly and Juniper snorts like a pig, almost knocking her glasses off.
"No! He did not take you to work with him!" Lila's jaw drops.
"Yep. The date was us shopping and delivering the food." I roll my eyes. "And then after we drop off the food, my stomach is growling and he is like, 'Oh, sounds like you're hungry.' And I was like, 'Yeah, I could definitely eat a bite', thinking he was going to take me out to get something to eat. And he was like, 'Okay, well, I guess you should head home then and make yourself a sandwich because I got some more deliveries to do, but thanks for your help. We should do it again sometime.'"
I shake my head. "And can you believe he actually called me the next week asking if I wanted to meet up again?"
"He did not," Juniper says. "No way."
"He totally did," I say, shaking my head. "Anyway, that's the very last time I believed in love at first sight."
"She totally thought he was so amazing before that," Elisabetta says. "It was so sad. It was so, so sad."
"Yes, it was," I say. "But in other news, I think there is a hottie that wants to talk to me tonight." I nod towards the bar. The women all look at me.
"Oh?"
"Yeah. His name is Osprey and he was hitting on me as soon as I walked in."
"Oh, really?" Lila says. "Oh my gosh, did we cock block you?"
"It's okay," I say, looking toward the bar. He's still standing there looking at his phone.
"He kept asking me about my stylist and then he asked me if I was an actual redhead. And I'm pretty sure he was asking that because he wanted to be me…in a Jeepers Creepers way. Then I subconsciously thought he was like, oh, does the carpet match the drapes?" I moan slightly at the embarrassing memories. "And normally I don't like it when guys ask that question, but he's so handsome that I’m willing to give my thoughts a pass. I know I watch too many horror movies and it’s very unlikely that he’s Norman Bates.”
"He is really good looking," Marie says.
"Yeah, he is. And it's kind of nice that he's so into me, even though I don't know if I really want him. He looks like he's better waxed than I am."
"He sure does look like he manscapes," Lila says with a slight nod.
"Yep," I say. "But maybe I'll flirt with him just a little bit because I've had the day from Hell."
"But at least you're getting to hang out with us," Elisabetta says. "And I'm so glad I got to meet you guys. You're so much fun."
"Thank you," Juniper says and Lila grins.
"Oh, hold up," she says, holding her phone up. "Guess who's calling me?"
"Max," I say, groaning.
She laughs. "Do you mind if I take it?"
"Not at all," I say, shaking my head. "Someone might as well enjoy their love life."
"You'll meet someone soon. And who knows? Maybe Osprey is the one."
"Maybe," I say, nodding, taking a sip of my rum and Coke. "Maybe I also need to get another round of drinks for everyone in a second and chat with him some more.” It doesn’t really feel like a great idea, but I’m going with it.
