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He moved even closer and grabbed my hands. “Thank you. I just have some things I need to say.”
I shot him a look and tugged my hands free. “It’s not going to change anything, Billy.”
“Just listen to me first. Please.” He saw that I wasn’t going to say anything else and nodded. “Thank you. I just can’t stop thinking about what I did. I don’t know what happened to me once I got here, Ella. The frat, the parties, it all just went to my head. I never stopped loving you. I need you to know that. I still love you and I think a part of me always will.”
I shifted in my seat, feeling uncomfortable. It was hard for me to remember that he was the guy I’d sobbed over when I first got to campus. Things had changed so much.
“I hate myself for what I did to you. I know how much you gave me, Ella. Beyond your first time, you gave me your love and your trust. You gave up Penn for me and I know how much that meant to you. I’m an idiot. I’m sorry for everything.” He let out a bitter laugh and grabbed my hands again. “It’s not an excuse but I just lost myself here. I wanted to be cool and having a serious girlfriend back home just didn’t work. I know I should’ve broken up with you before I did the things I did. I should’ve been fair to you. I was too busy wanting it all to think of you, though.”
Staring across at him, I was too surprised by his honesty to take my hands back. “Wow.”
“I think I just wanted to have my fun and be able to go to you at the end of the year. It’s crazy, Ella, but I still think about our future. I still have hope that you’ll forgive me in a few years and we’ll end up together. Me, you, Connie, and maybe a few dogs living near Penn while you study for the bar and pass it with ease, despite stressing over it for months.” He squeezed my hands. “Do you ever think of me and our future?”
I swallowed down the people pleasing need to placate him. “I’m sorry, Billy, but no.”
He sat back and nodded while blinking quickly, like he was stopping tears. “I deserve that.”
“What you did really hurt me. It made me feel like the biggest fool in the world. I gave up so much for you.” I took a deep breath and met his eyes. “That’s all behind me now, though. There’s nothing between us anymore. I could never trust you again. Not in a million years. I hope you grow from this and treat your next girlfriend better. I just don’t feel any interest in being around to find out.”
“You don’t even think we could be friends?”
I shook my head. “I don’t want to sound harsh, Billy, but no. I don’t want to be your friend. I’m not angry anymore and I don’t want anything bad for you. I’m just…done.”
He looked down at where he was still clinging to my hands. “Okay. I get it. It’s what I deserve, even if I hoped for a different outcome.”
I gently pulled my hands free. “Thank you. For apologizing.”
“Even if we aren’t friends, I still feel like I need to tell you something, Ella.” He sighed. “I still care about you and don’t want to see you hurt.”
“What is it?”
“Fisher. I don’t know how serious things are between you and him but I’ve been on campus with him for long enough to know him, Ella. He’s a player. Worse than I ever could’ve been.” He saw my face scrunch up in annoyance and rushed on. “I’m not being an asshole here, Ella. I’m just trying to look out for you. I’ve heard shit around campus, recently, about him getting caught with random girls.”
I looked away and took a few moments before clearing my throat and facing him again. “I don’t know what you expect me to say, Billy.”
“Nothing. I’m not trying to gain anything here. I just need to know that I at least tried to warn you. Even if you don’t believe me. He’s using you. There are rumors, rumors that you live with him, rumors that you’re sleeping with him and his roommates.”
My gut-deep reaction to deny that made me open my mouth a little too much. “Vaughn was my stepbrother, Billy! Jesus.”
“Vaughn Adler’s your stepbrother?”
I tightened my ponytail until it hurt and shook my head. “He was. A decade ago. Only for three years. It barely counted. The reason I’m living with them is because I was homeless after you fucked me over. Vaughn gave me a place to stay out of obligation, I’m pretty sure.”
“Wow. I had no idea.” Billy shook his head. “Okay, but you still need to watch out for Fisher.”
I stood up and sighed. “Thank you for warning me, Billy. Consider your good deed of the day done.”
He stood up and wrapped me in a tight hug. “I love you, Ella. Even if you don’t feel anything for me, I still love you. You deserve someone who treats you right. That’s all I’ll say.”
I gently pushed him away and nodded. “Thanks.”
He stayed where he was, close to me, and rested his hands on my shoulders. It was an intimate pose and I would’ve backed away if the chair I’d just vacated wasn’t pressing into the backs of my knees. “I’ll always look out for you.”
“Okay, Billy. You can let me go now.” I sighed a breath a relief when he stepped away but all that relief was short-lived because Vaughn decided to grace us with his presence at that exact moment, booming anger his weapon of choice.
“Get the fuck away from her, asshole.”
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