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My body reacted to him calling me that and I felt even worse. “The night you went to dinner with your coach.”
“And the other one?”
I stared back at him for a few seconds, trying to figure out how to tell him that I’d slept with them both the same night, at the same time. The answer felt like never. I opened my mouth and shut it tight again.
“Ella Rae.” He searched my face and was still confused. “What aren’t you saying?”
“I slept with them the same night. Together. I know that isn’t what you want to hear, Vaughn, but there it is. I have to go.” I tried to leave but he caught my arm.
“You slept with both of them, at the same time?” His whole face had gone thunderous. “They fucked you together?”
Besides the whole being turned on by the idea of Vaughn catching us bit of that night, it’d made me feel empowered. I’d felt brave and sexy. But hearing Vaughn say it made me feel small and ashamed. I clutched my notebook tighter and stared at the floor. “Let me go.”
He instantly released me. “You should go.”
I blew out a shaky breath. “I am. I’m leaving. I have class. I’m sorry I kissed you. I shouldn’t have done that. I just…”
“You just what?”
I slowly looked up at him and met his dark gaze. “I’m sorry that you’re angry at me. I don’t like upsetting you and causing trouble. I don’t feel good knowing that I disappointed you.”
He sighed and reached out to cup the side of my neck. “I’m not angry at you. Not really. I told them to stay away from you and they went about as far from that as they possibly could.”
“It’s my fault, too. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I was fine having mediocre to bad sex with Billy for years. I’d only ever slept with him before moving in here and now I’ve slept with all of you and maybe I should move out. I don’t want to cause trouble between the three of you.” I didn’t realize I was tearing up until he dragged me into his chest. “Don’t comfort me. I did exactly what you asked me not to do. You should be mad at me. Even if I don’t get your reasoning for telling me to stay away from them, I still should’ve respected your wishes.”
He sighed. “You’re not moving out. You’re safe here and I can’t trust you not to go back to the Roadside Inn. Your self-preservation skills are fucking horrible.”
“They are not.”
“You let me close you in here with me with nothing but a towel and your tiny panties to keep my dick out of you.” He grunted. “Terrible self-preservation right there.”
I wrapped my arms around him and held on tight. “I don’t know what’s happening, Vaughn. I’m not supposed to want you.”
“But you do.” It was a question, whether he phrased it like one, or not.
“Yes.” I felt him stiffen against me and then hold me tighter.
“See? Absolutely zero self-preservation.” He rested his chin on my head and groaned. “It’ll be fine. I can’t exactly explain why I don’t want them touching you so I’m just going to keep my mouth shut.”
I leaned back and looked up at him. “Why don’t you want them touching me?”
He glared at me and stepped away. “You know.”
I bent to pick my notebook up from where I’d dropped it and inched towards the door, knowing I was going to miss my test if I didn’t leave. “I don’t.”
He just shook his head. “You’re a smart woman, Ella Rae.”
I wanted to stay. I wanted to demand he explain because he couldn’t possibly mean what I thought he meant. I wanted to know if he didn’t want them touching me because he wanted to touch me. That was too bad, though, because I had a clock hanging over my head and Vaughn had already turned away from me.
“Go, El.” He looked at me over his shoulder. “Before I make you miss your class.”
I hesitated until he turned back to me. Then, seeing his threat was real, I ran while I still could. I was so wired from our interaction that I didn’t bother driving to campus. I just jogged the entire way, hoping it would burn up some of the crazy energy coursing through my body. Once I got to class, with minutes to spare, I remembered why I don’t jog. It took an embarrassing amount of time to catch my breath and I was disheveled in a way that couldn’t be passed off as cute.
38
***Ella***
The next week passed in a blur. There were stolen glances and tense moments but nothing ever happened. Our schedules never aligned and I was never alone with any of them. I wasn’t sure what I would’ve done even if I was. I was confused about some of my feelings and haunted by others. I couldn’t tell anyone about the ones about Vaughn and those were the ones eating me up the most. I wasn’t supposed to like him. I definitely wasn’t supposed to want to touch him all over.
