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Booth booed me. “Don’t leave us. If it’s just the two of us here, it really is sad that we stayed home.”
“What the hell? It’s not sad. I like hanging with you, asshole.” Fisher turned his attention to me. “But, seriously, we stayed home for you. You could always talk to your mom here.”
I made a horrified face as I shook my head hard enough to send my ponytail flying. “Nope. Not a chance in hell. My mom isn’t a speakerphone mom. She’s more of a hide in a closet and turn your phone volume as low as it’ll go mom. I’ll be back, though. Just watch your football and keep each other entertained.”
I didn’t give them a chance to object. Rushing upstairs, I flopped out on my bed and dialed Mom. As soon as she answered, I knew it was going to be a doozy of a conversation. I could hear her shouting at someone before greeting me in a kind tone. “Mom? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, and your brother had a bigger dick, asshole! Don’t come back!” She cleared her throat. “Oh, yeah, sweetie. I’m great. How are you?”
“What’s going on there?”
“Oh, I was just asking my date to leave. That’s all.” She grunted. “Men are so sensitive these days.”
“Where are you? Did you bring a random guy home? What did I say about not handling becoming an adult orphan very well?”
“He wasn’t a stranger. I slept with his brother a few weeks ago. Nice family.” I could practically see her waving my concerns off. “Anyway. You didn’t answer me. How are you?”
“I’m fine, Mom.”
“Why aren’t you out celebrating? Your team won today. You should be getting drunk by now.”
I smiled. “I stayed home with Fisher and Booth. I made your famous sangrias.”
“Wait a minute. You stayed home with Fisher and Booth? Where’s Vaughn?” She knew all about my roommates. Just not that I’d slept with two of them. No one needed to know that.
“Out.” I clutched Connie to my chest. “I hardly see him if it’s not our tutoring time.”
“And how does he feel about you staying home alone with his two roommates?”
“Fine.” Even I could hear how my voice had gone higher with the lie. “Everything’s fine.”
“Which one did you fool around with?” She listened to my silence for fifteen whole seconds before she cackled. “I was just teasing! I never thought you had that in you. Good for you, Ella Rae. It’s about time you had sex with someone besides that Billy asshole.”
“Mom! I’m not talking to you about this.”
“Why not? I want to know. Which one did you sleep with? Let me pull up that picture you sent me.” She sighed dreamily. “The one with the dimples reminds me of this guy I knew from my first job. He was a giant. Everywhere. I walked like someone had kicked me in the vagina for a week after that.”
“Mom! Oh, my god. This is so wrong for me to hear!” I pulled Connie over my face and screamed into him. “When I come back home this summer, we’re going to family therapy.”
“Great. We can work on your prudish ways. You didn’t get those from me. Maybe it was a dormant trait from your grandmother. God knows she had a stick up her ass the size of a telephone pole.” Mom seemed to realize what she’d said. “May she rest in peace.”
“She’s going to haunt you one of these days.” Wanting to change the subject, I brought up baked goods. “I made her recipe for apple pie yesterday. It was delicious.”
“You’re not cheating me out of this information today, Ella. Which one did you sleep with?”
I groaned. “Mom!”
“Ella!”
“Both!” I gasped and slapped my hand over my mouth. Betrayed by my own mouth wasn’t the way I thought I’d go out, but there wasn’t a chance in hell that I wasn’t dying of embarrassment after blurting that out.
“Ella Rae. I can not tell you just how deeply impressed I am. Of course, my daughter bagged two complete hotties. I’m so proud!” The sound of her clapping her hands together showed just how genuinely happy she was.
“You’re not a normal mother. You know that, right?”
“Thank god for that. Is it good sex? I know you weren’t having good sex with your ex. I hope these two were better.”
I sat straight up. “How did you know that?”
