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“Jo, Jo!” She hesitated, wondering if maybe that was only her imagination. “Jo!” she heard again.
Jo spun around and saw Ali running towards her. “What are you doing?” Jo asked.
“I’m glad I caught you.” She swallowed as Jo saw the tension on her face. “I couldn’t wait another minute to say what I have to say.”
“Okay…” Jo stared; her heart seemed to stall in her chest as she waited to hear what Ali wanted to tell her.
“I know that you are probably not going to want to hear this. It’s clear that you have been doing well. I’ve seen the Insta posts, and I’ve seen you laughing, and I don’t want to disrupt that.” Jo’s mouth was agape. “But there’s something you have to know. You’re not a waste.”
Jo stared. “Excuse me?”
“You said that night that you don’t want me to waste the opportunity and us being together would do that. You’re wrong. You’re not a waste. If I had to give up the job for you, I would have done that. You are pushing me away didn’t help anyone.” Ali stepped back and dropped her gaze. “Again, I know you’re happy. So maybe it did help one of us, and that’s really all I want for you, is for you to be happy. But I just needed you to know that being with you would not have been a waste.” She hesitated and slowly shook her head. “Loving you, wouldn’t have been a waste.”
Ali pushed past Jo and Jo turned to watch her walk away. Jo wanted to yell out and tell her that she had it all wrong and she wasn’t happy. But there was a lot to think about and her heart was heavy. You’re not a waste! Those words hit her hard. Ali said she would have given up the job for her and Jo wanted to believe that, but would if she had allowed her to? That was the real question.
Ali
Ali stared at her email, refreshing every thirty seconds. Julia had said the announcement would be forthcoming. But as she sat at her house, continuing to refresh, she wasn’t even sure she wanted to get the result. Ali had waited for what felt like an eternity to have that moment outside of the hospital. As she spoke the words to Jo, she wanted to reiterate how strongly she felt. Jo was enough and sitting there, waiting for her life to change, she wasn’t even sure she had the right path to moving forward.
Ali abandoned her computer, her thoughts escaping the sheer bout of excitement she’d express if she got the job. Sure, she would be happy, thrilled, overjoyed, that for once her hard work and dedication was getting rewarded. It’s what she had been longing for? Why wouldn’t she jump at the chance?
Jo.
The truth was staring her right in the face. Without Jo, did any of it really matter? And with the job, would she ever be able to be truly happy? She would have to give up the fantasy world of having everything she desired. Was she even conscious of what all that meant.
Her phone rang, and she checked it. “Hey, Nolan.”
“So, have you gotten the results yet?” he asked. “I don’t even know why I’m questioning it. They would be crazy not to promote you. You embody everything that CAPMed is. You have my full support.”
Ali snickered. “Thanks, I suppose.” She left her floor of pacing and plopped down onto the couch. “What if…” She hesitated and threw herself back onto the couch. She was crazy for even contemplating it. Right?
“What if…”
“I don’t know. I’m just near a mental collapse and I guess I have so many dangerous thoughts coursing through my mind.” She heard voices and Ali perked up. “Is Brody with you? Am I seriously having this discussion while the two of you would have much better things to focus on than me and my breakdown?”
“Oh please,” Nolan started. “We’re all for some juicy tidbits. But are you second-guessing the promotion? You do want it, right?”
Ali sighed, shaking her head. “Yes. No. Hell, I don’t know.” She stood up and began pacing again. “If I get this job, then I lose other things that are important to me.”
“Things? Or Johanna?” he asked.
“Do you even have to ask?” Ali mumbled. He laughed, and she rolled her eyes and sat on the armrest of the couch. “I have never felt this way about anyone before. And the thought of not being able to see where things could go between us is heart-wrenching.”
“That’s because you’re in love,” Brody hollered from the background. Nolan laughed and Ali focused on that word. Love She’d been fighting with that, inwardly, for a while now. Too scared to even really show Jo how much.
Love is always worth fighting for,” Nolan added.
“And I know that,” Ali whispered. “I just worry that if I open myself up to love Jo, then what if I get hurt? I would have lost the promotion and the woman. I would have lost my way.”
“It’s scary,” Nolan replied. “But, Ali, what’s even scarier is what would happen if you didn’t take the chance.”
Ali slowly nodded. A sound of a text popped up on her phone and she glanced at her phone to find Julia’s name. Read your emails! Ali got up and walked over to her computer.
“What’s going on?” Nolan asked. “You got quiet all of a sudden.”
“Give me a sec.” Ali refreshed the screen, and the email that jumped to the top was from the board. She opened it up and read the first line. Congratulations, Alison! On behalf of the board, we would like to officially offer you the nurse educator position. Read below for all your salary information. “I got the job.” As the words sunk in, there was a heavy weight that coincided with them. Nothing felt as if she would have anticipated getting the news. She was once so excited, and now felt more of a burden that was pulling her down.
“Should we congratulate you?” Nolan asked.
