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Chapter One
Rochelle
It’s all falling into place.
I have always been excited about studying psychology. When I got my admission letter to study at Stanford, I was so elated that I couldn't stop screaming for two full days. It meant moving to California from New Jersey, but I didn't mind.
That was a year ago, and I'm still as excited about psychology as I was then. I'm especially excited today because I'm starting my abnormal psych lectures. As I walk to class, there's a spring in my step, and I do my best to ignore the catcalls and brazen stares of guys.
My best friend, Amy, has always told me I am irresistibly beautiful, but I have never thought much of it. Although I'm twenty, and will graduate in twelve months, I have never had a boyfriend, much to Amy's amazement. The truth is that I have never found any guy attractive enough to want to be with. Only one man has ever been able to make my heart dance and my insides quiver, but he's out of my reach.
Amy's dad, Dr. Kevin McKnight, has haunted my dreams since I was 13. Amy is my childhood friend, and we practically grew up together. I never told her about my crush on her dad, but I’m sure she must have noticed. How could she not? Whenever I'm around him, I can't stop staring. His smile makes me weak at the knees, his low, and deep, soothing voice has always made me feel safe, yet his dark eyes tells me there is something more going on. Something dark lurking deep within his soul.
What I wouldn’t give to find out what makes him tick. He’s not your typical looking college professor. He always looks buff, and must work out a lot. I can remember Amy telling me her dad would regularly train for marathons and triathlons, so being in good shape is important. It wasn’t just his body that enraptured me; as a Psychology teacher, he was the one who piqued my interest in the field. If I can be just half as impressive as Dr. McKnight in my own career, then I will have achieved my goals.
If I’m being honest, I have loved him from the moment I saw him. Amy and her dad left New Jersey when I was 14. I never saw him again until my parents' anniversary three years ago. I remember how I had followed him around and bombarded him with questions. He mostly indulged me for a while until I became more irritating, and he politely asked me to return to my parents. I haven't seen him since then.
Amy and I have kept in touch through phone calls and video chats, but my deep feelings for Dr. McKnight have never faded. When I learned about his divorce from Amy's mum, my fantasies took on a new dimension. I began to dream about the two of us being together, with me making him happy beyond his wildest dreams. Even now, I still go to sleep most nights thinking about laying on his large, broad chest, and running my hands through his thick black hair.
The sound of my classmates coming into class and chatting brings me back to reality. I look at the large gold-rimmed clock on the corner wall. It's 9:50 am. The schedule on the school board says class begins at 10am.
"Good morning, everyone."
I freeze in my seat as I look up. Dr. McKnight is standing right before the class.
What is he doing here? I say to myself as I stare at him. I knew he taught psychology, but didn’t realize he was lecturing here.
Oh my! He’s looking even more ruggedly handsome than ever before, with his smart suit jacket and tight chino’s hugging all the right places. I can see a little chest hair poking out where his top few buttons are open. Oh, and that smile! Surely he knows what he does to all the girls in his class? What it does to me? My heart begins to beat so fast that I am so sure that the blonde girl sitting next to me can hear it loud and clear. I look over at her, and I notice that she’s gawping at Dr. McKnight. I look around me … quite a few girls in class are swooning over him too.
"I'm Dr. McKnight,” he begins, his voice low and deep, just as I remembered. “I will be taking you through this course, and I demand your complete commitment and devotion to it. You are all in your second year, so I expect that whatever juvenile antics you retained from high school have been successfully weeded out of you. However, if there are still some elements of mischief, I suggest you set them aside once you enter through that door. As psychologists, I expect you all to have a level head, seeing as you'll be responsible for the mental health of others. That means you must ..."
I immediately become weak as our eyes meet. It was a look of shock and then realization. However, in that split second, there was something else in his eyes ... a sort of fear. It was the same fear I felt. I struggled to listen to him throughout the class, as he talked about mental illnesses and the fragility of the mind.
When Amy asked me to move in with her, I had no idea it would mean I would also be moving in with her dad, presumably? Oh God, the thought of seeing him every day causes warmth and wetness to spread all over my underwear. I berate myself for being such a schoolgirl as I press my legs closer together. He doesn't look at me throughout the rest of the class, but there’s a tension furrowed between his brows. Why do I feel like it's also a struggle for him?
"That will be all for today," he says as the rest of the class stand up and file out the door. I linger for a while and slowly put my books in my bag, hoping that with everything in me, he would call my name. I slowly climb the stairs, heading to the door, hoping my dripping underwear didn't make a scandalous stain on my jean pants.
"Rochelle?"
The sound of my name on his lips does mind-blowing things to me.
"Yes, Sir?" I reply, turning to him slowly.
He pauses, and smiles at my words., then says, “Please wait a moment."
I walk back to his desk and wait for him to finish packing his bags. I watch him, hypnotized by the deliberate movement of his tall, broad shoulders, as he moves back and forth between books and bag. He’s still so surprisingly muscular and toned. I drink in every detail on his face as I look up at him. I can see the grays on his temple. My mouth waters as my gaze travels over his plump pink lips.
"Rochelle? Rochelle?!"
"Yes, Sir?" I jerk. I had no idea he had been calling me.
What is wrong with you, Rochelle?! Get it together! Jeez!
"So, I understand you're moving in with us. I wanted to ask if you've done that. I haven't been home in almost a week, so I have no idea what's happening."
"Erm … I haven't moved in completely, Sir. I just need to get a few more bags from my old apartment. I'm going there now, so I'll sleep over tonight. I hope you don't mind me moving in, Sir."
"No ... not at all. It's so good to see you after so many years,” he smiles, his deep brown eyes lighting up as he does so. There’s a pause, and I struggle to think of anything to say. I open my mouth to try and speak, but thankfully Dr. McKnight continues; “And Amy is right about you saving money on rent. How's your dad?"
