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I knew I had to find a way to hide it. My pain had to be secret, just as our relationship had been.
I hid in my room and cried and cried and cried and I couldn’t imagine a way forward from that moment.
The memories of Sophia faded over the years. There was a lot about her I would never forget and when I think back, I know the tenderness we shared in the dark nights in the desert was real. Army real anyway. That is the thing about army life. It isn’t real life, but it takes you to such intensity of emotion with each other that you build bonds that are so much deeper than real life.
I went to war with Sophia Clark by my side. I tended the injured and had friends die in front of me. Sophia was the one holding me at night when I cried in the dark.
That was real.
Sophia was the one next to me when we went on missions and I was afraid. I hid it well. Of course I did. We all did. Sophia would squeeze my thigh as we sat together in the back of a truck, not knowing what we would find when we arrived where we were going, so I would know I wasn’t alone. We had each other’s back.
That was real.
When we kissed. When we had sex. Her lust. Her desire for me.
It was real. I know it was.
So, I have chosen to focus on the good. Remember fondly what was, instead of what might have been.
Sophia Clark with her dark hair, dark eyes, full sensual lips, body that I couldn’t rip my eyes away from- she sits in a box somewhere in my mind and I don’t delve into it often.
Since having my home on the ranch, the comforting routines of caring for the animals and tending to the land are a solace for me. For a time, the ranch became my sanctuary, a place of refuge where I could find peace amid the chaos of my past. I had convinced myself that I didn’t need a woman in my life. That I could find fulfillment and contentment within the quiet solitude of the ranch.
And for a while, it had worked. I had thrown myself into my work, losing myself in the daily tasks and responsibilities that came with running the ranch. The memories of my past life in the army faded into the background and I found solace in the tranquility of the ranch, taking injured or traumatised animals and nursing them back to health. The brokenness of the animals mirrored my own inner struggles. In their presence, I found a sense of purpose and fulfillment. I was able to lose myself in the simple rhythms of caring for their needs and tending to the land.
I had learned to satisfy my own sexual desires with my right hand in my own bed. It was enough for me. For all those years, it was enough.
But now Ashlyn had entered my life like a wildfire, setting ablaze the carefully constructed walls I had erected around my heart. From the moment she arrived, Ashlyn stirred something within me—a passion and desire that I had long thought extinguished. Her presence was like a bolt of lightning, electrifying the air with an intensity that left me breathless and yearning for more.
Sure, in some ways she reminded me of Sophia. Although aside from their hair, they didn’t look similar. But they shared an undefinable charisma and a sensuality that are rarely found.
With each passing encounter, Ashlyn stoked the fire within me—a primal, insatiable hunger that threatened to consume me whole. Her touch was like a drug, intoxicating and addictive, leaving me craving more with every fleeting caress. And though I tried to resist the pull of attraction that simmered between us, I found myself powerless to deny the magnetic force that repeatedly drew me to her.
As I watched Ashlyn tend to Phantom, a nervous energy pulsed through me. My desire to spend more time with her grew stronger with each passing moment. Though I had never been one to shy away from taking the lead, the prospect of asking Ashlyn out on a date filled me with trepidation.
But, I knew I didn’t want another secret relationship, as exciting as the passion between us was. I wanted something real if I was going to have something. Real world real.
Summoning every ounce of courage I could muster, I approached Ashlyn tentatively, my heart pounding in my chest as I struggled to find the right words. “Um, Ashlyn?” I began, my voice
wavering slightly with uncertainty. “I was wondering if, uh, you might like to, um, go out with me sometime? Like, a date.” The words hung in the air between us, heavy with anticipation as I waited for Ashlyn’s response. Would she say yes? Or would she politely decline, leaving me to wallow in embarrassment and disappointment?
To my relief, Ashlyn’s face broke into a warm smile, her green eyes sparkling like emeralds with genuine interest. “I would love to,” she replied, her voice soft and inviting. A rush of relief flooded through me, accompanied by a surge of excitement at the prospect of spending time alone with Ashlyn. Anticipation built within me—as well as a flicker of hope that maybe, just maybe, this could be the beginning of something special between us.
10
ASHLYN
Isettled into one of the small outbuildings on the ranch, but couldn’t fix the restlessness stirring within me. The house’s sparse furnishings and lack of personal belongings left it feeling empty and devoid of warmth. A stark reminder of just how far removed I was from the comforts of Brooks Creek life.
With a sigh, I glanced around the room, taking in the bare walls and the simple decor with a sense of unease. I longed for the familiar sights and sounds of the bustling town—the crowded streets and luxury brands. But here on the ranch, there were no big stores or trendy boutiques to satisfy my craving for retail therapy. The nearest town was miles away, its small shops and quaint storefronts offering little in the way of the designer labels and luxury brands that I had grown accustomed to.
Frustration gnawed at me as I contemplated my limited options. Honestly, the prospect of spending my days surrounded by nothing but nature and solitude felt suffocating. I yearned for the excitement of a shopping spree, the thrill of discovering new treasures and indulging in the latest fashion trends.
But resignation washed over me as I gazed out at the sprawling expanse of the ranch. This was my new reality and I would have to learn to adapt to it, whether I liked it or not.
Then, there was Stephanie. I couldn’t stop thinking about our encounter and the way she felt when she orgasmed beneath me. She was like a drug to me. I knew I wanted more and more.
My thoughts inevitably turned to Stephanie and the upcoming date we had planned. Despite my initial reservations about mixing business with pleasure, there was an undeniable pull drawing me toward her. I couldn’t help but marvel at how easily I had agreed to the date, her shy invitation belying a quiet confidence that intrigued me. There was something about Stephanie—something genuine and sincere—that spoke to me on a deeper level. I felt a spark of curiosity and interest that I hadn’t experienced in a long time.
