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“I hope one day I can meet him and witness them together.” He smiles softly at me.
We’re quiet for a few minutes. I'm not great at uncomfortable situations. Sure, I deal with them all the time at work, but that’s different. Most of the time I have no emotions involved there. Here, I'm feeling everything too deeply.
“Have you seen Liam yet?” I ask slowly. Dad perks up at the mention of my brother.
“Yes! I got to have lunch with him and Miranda yesterday. They seem really happy.”
“How did things go with them?” Cord’s voice is gentle and it makes me fall a little harder for him.
He could be a total ass to my dad, and honestly, I wouldn’t blame him for it, but he’s not. He’s trying to treat him with respect and kindness, and I love that.
I don’t know what I want out of this dinner. Sure, I’d love to have Dad back in my life, but I’m also terrified of letting that happen. But he’s the only parent I have left. Obviously, Mom doesn’t care about us and isn't making any plans to come back. It would be nice to have someone other than Liam in my corner.
You always have the Powells.
The thought pushes through my head and makes me smile. I do have the Powells and I'm lucky for that. I don’t know what I would do without them.
“Miranda kept in contact with me the entire time I was in prison and after I was released. I appreciate that more than she’ll ever know. She didn’t give me specifics about Liam’s life unless he said she could, and she never gave me anything about you, Macy. She would tell me you were safe and happy, but that was it. I still clung to every tidbit she gave me. Just knowing my kids were ok was more of a blessing than I deserved.” He swipes at his eyes as tears spill over.
I lump settles in my throat. For the few months we lived with Dad after Mom left, I never saw him cry. I saw the anger and resentment he felt towards Mom, but nothing else. Maybe I was too young to see what he was trying to hide, but maybe not. I just know I saw a side of Dad I didn’t think existed. One I never wanted to meet.
“I know you don’t want to talk about this, but I just want to say one thing, then I’ll never talk about it again.” He lifts his gaze and meets my eyes. “I don’t know who I was after your mom left. I was so angry and bitter that she left not only me, but you and Liam too. I didn’t know how to handle it and clearly, I chose the wrong way. Since I got sober, I’m left to remember how horribly I treated my children. Every day I was in prison, I had nothing else to focus on except how I destroyed you and almost killed my son. Nothing you say or do could make me feel worse about myself than I already do. Nothing could make me regret my actions more than I currently do. I'm so sorry, princess. I turned into a monster you never should’ve seen and I’ll have to live with that for the rest of my life. I’ll never forget the look you gave me when Noah was holding me down. You stared at me like I was the most terrifying person you’d ever seen. That broke me. That sobered me faster than anything else could’ve. I'm so sorry, princess.”
I swallow hard and stare up at the ceiling, trying to blink away my tears. I don’t cry. Not in front of people. I don’t want to be vulnerable or raw with him. He doesn’t deserve that. Not yet.
But the way he keeps calling me princess… that’s what he called me when I was little. He’d pat his lap and tell me to come sit with him while we read a story. It was always about a strong princess who had the world at her fingertips. He’d always tell me I had the world at my fingertips and I could do anything I wanted to.
I forgot about those times.
The night Liam was put in the hospital is the only night I kept in my head when it comes to Dad. I remembered the monster he was, not the gentle father he used to be.
“I forgot about the stories and how you used to call me princess,” I say softly.
I’m already getting choked up and I hate it. Cord squeezes my hand and when I glance up at him, he nods his head. He’s telling me to keep going. To be vulnerable. And for the first time in my life, that doesn’t seem so scary because I have Cord at my side and I know he’ll be there to hold me up when I crumble.
Chapter 30
Cord
“Thank you so much for inviting me into your home, Cord.” Micheal holds out his hand to shake mine. I bat it away and pull him into a hug.
After how tonight went, I think I might be seeing Micheal more and more. Macy isn't welcoming him with open arms, but she’s at least open to the possibility of having him in our lives.
“I'm glad you could come. It was nice to get to know you.” I pat him on the back before taking a few steps back.
“Can I give you a hug?” Micheal asks Macy hesitantly.
She glances up at me, silently asking me what I think. I love how she’s looking to me for guidance because she’s so far out of her comfort zone. She wants to know I have her back and she’ll be safe. I give her a small nod and she turns back to Micheal.
“Yeah, Dad, you can give me a hug,” Macy whispers softly.
As soon as she steps into his arms, he engulfs her in a hug and whispers something in her ear. Macy’s body shakes as she finally gives into the tears that have been threatening to fall all night long.
“It’s ok, princess. It’s all going to be ok.” Micheal rubs a hand up and down her back, soothing her the best he can.
As I watch them, I wonder if this is what Macy was like as a little girl. Did she run into her daddy’s arms every time something made her cry, or was she the strong woman I know today who tries to hide all of her emotions?
“I… I missed you,” she chokes out, holding onto Micheal tighter.
