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He can’t.
“I guess I’ll go then,” I whisper, my voice trembling.
“That would be a good fuckin’ idea.”
His words hurt.
They crush me to my very soul.
“I can’t believe you’re saying this to me. After everything we’ve been through ... We have children together, and you only decide now you don’t know what you want. That’s selfish.”
“I told you once I’d never be what you needed,” he roars, leaning in, his breath panting against my face. “I told you, and you pushed. I’m fuckin’ broken, and you just couldn’t take no for an answer.”
Tears burst forth and roll down my cheeks. “If that’s how you feel ...”
Turning, I rush out of the room, my legs trembling.
I run out the back gate and don’t stop even when Annen calls my name.
I get to my car, throw the door open, and then I scream. I scream with everything I have inside, clutching the steering wheel as broken tears roll down my cheeks and my body trembles with each broken sob. It hurts, and after the week I’ve had, it’s almost crippling. If I lose Spike, I don’t know how I’ll cope, but he said he didn’t know.
I thought we were forever.
And he said he doesn’t know.
Nothing could feel worse than those words.
I’M STILL CRYING WHEN I show up to the club.
I storm in there with a mission.
I need to find Jackson, because he needs to fix this.
He’s in the garage standing with Muff, Cade, and another biker named Terry. They’re talking amongst themselves, but when he notices me, his attention is lost from the group. His green eyes narrow as he uncrosses his big arms and takes a steady breath as I storm toward him, skidding to a stop in front of him and getting in his face.
“What the hell have you done?”
“I’m not gettin’ into this with you, Ciara. It ain’t your concern. Spike made a choice, and he suffered the consequences the same as any other member of my club would.”
“He’s not just a member, Jackson, he’s your fucking friend and right now, he’s someone I don’t know. He’s breaking, and you’re too fucking selfish to see it.”
“You can take your anger out on me,” Jackson growls, “but be very careful with your words.”
“Why couldn’t you just listen to him? Hear what he had to say? Consider his ideas. Maybe if you had, he wouldn’t have gone behind your back. You’re the reason he’s out there, suffering ...”
I’m crying so heavily my vision is blurred, and my voice cracks with every word.
“Ciara,” Cade says, stepping forward, “this ain’t helpin’. You want to talk, let’s go calm down and we can talk.”
“Fuck off, Cade,” I scream. “He told me he doesn’t even know if he wants to be with me. He said he doesn’t know what he wants. He ...”
My knees wobble, and Cade catches me before I hit the ground.
My tears come out in aching, broken sobs, but that doesn’t stop him from wrapping his big arms around me.
“Something is wrong, and instead of helping him, you all sent him on his way.”
“I hear you,” Cade murmurs. “We’ll find him, we’ll sort this out ...”
