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I stare back at him, on the verge of falling apart and needing him to put me back together.
“Kyson,” I whisper his name and close the gap between our lips and an evil grin crosses his features as he pulls away from me rejecting my kiss.
“Did you think I was going to say sorry and kiss you? Clue in, lil’ dolly. I have to be fucked up to be attracted to you.”
“I hate you,” I return with a shaky voice, backing away from him. “But remember, you didn’t involve me. I chose to be here tonight for you because I thought maybe.” I shake my head as my voice cracks.
“You thought what?” he clips.
“I thought you were worth the effort. But I guess we were both wrong.” With those words, I turn on my heel and start jogging away from him. The silence of the night seems to stretch out endlessly around me, punctuated only by the sound of my retreating footsteps. The lump in my throat feels like a golf ball I’m unable to swallow, but I keep running away from him, pushing his words about my parents to the back of my mind, burying them deep.
I can feel Kyson’s eyes burning into my back, but he doesn’t stop me. He doesn’t call out or run after me. The fact that he doesn’t care enough hurts more than anything else. He truly believes he doesn’t deserve love. That he doesn’t deserve any good in his life.
Or maybe he doesn’t want it from me. Even now after I’ve tried so hard to understand him. Took his brutal words because I know it’s a defense mechanism. To hurt me before I land the first strike. Hurt me before I can hurt him.
As I reach the driveway, I glance back, and what I see breaks my heart even though it shouldn’t. I shouldn’t give a damn about Kyson Allen, but I can’t look away.
He’s standing there in the same spot I left him in all broody and moody, still as a statue beneath the streetlight. His shoulders are slumped, his head bowed low. He’s alone. As he intended so he can rule his lonely kingdom and hide behind the walls he’s built to isolate himself from anyone who might possibly give a damn about him.
I blink back the tears welling in my eyes, forcing myself to look away. I have to walk away even though every bone in my body urges me to run to him and kiss away his pain and beg him to take away mine in return. I don’t want to allow him to push me away, not when he needs someone the most, but more than that I want him to realize that I won’t be his emotional punching bag for him to dole out punishments on to avoid his own feelings.
Although it kills me to do so, I take the last steps into the house and rush the stairs and only in the privacy of my room do I let my tears fall.
I swipe at my runny nose with the sleeve of my sweater and suck in my shuddering breaths as my heart beats rapidly and wild like the wings of a hummingbird.
My father didn’t kill himself.
He didn’t.
Kyson only said that to upset me and push me away.
I hope he’s happy.
I’m giving him what he wants.
I’m leaving him alone.
My new phone buzzing on my nightstand breaks me out of wallowing in self-pity.
Chapter Sixteen
Where are you?
Crap. I scroll through my missed messages and calls. While I was trying to be here for Kyson, I totally missed my video chat with Matt. I have a few texts from Lauren, too. I click hers first, wanting to avoid another argument with Matt. I’ve had enough of that today. I can’t deal with anything else requiring heavy emotions.
What are you up to tonight? Are you coming to the fight?
Fight?!?!
I’ll swing by and pick you up. You bailed on me last night. You owe me and I swear it’ll be fun.
I stare at her message. A night out away from the drama in my own life could be the escape I need.
Let me ask if it’s cool if I go anywhere.
I lay my phone down, thankful for a distraction from Kyson and Matt. I’m so over boys at the moment. Maybe I should go out. It is Saturday night, after all. I doubt Matt is sitting in his dorm, pinning away for me. He’s probably out with that girl he claims is just a friend.
I go down the hall and tap lightly on Helen and Uncle John’s bedroom door.
