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“Ha ha, joke all you want,” I say. “But at least I’m not texting people Moby Dick like a teenager.”
“I literally was a teenager!” she laughs. “It’s not like I do it now.”
I clear my throat, resting my elbows on my desk as I stare at her. “And what exactly do you do now?” I say. I do not entirely know why I’m approaching this subject this way.
“I don’t know,” she says with a shrug. “Usually just text somebody ‘wanna come over?’ and that does it. And what about you? What is the academic way to express ‘wanna fuck?’“
I bite my bottom lip as I ponder the question, fighting a smile. “How about…I would emphatically appreciate the gratification of your company?”
She cracks up laughing. “A bit stiff, don’t you think?” she asks.
And even I can’t help myself now, laughing loudly and not caring who might hear us. “Very,” I reply. “To answer your question, I text ‘wanna come over?’ just like everyone else.”
Her laughter dies down, but her smirk remains. “Good to know,” she says without tearing her gaze away from my face.
Suddenly, I find myself looking a little too deeply into her response.
After a few moments of silence, I stare at the paper in her lap, trying to shake myself out of the spell she put me under. “You said you were here to discuss the assignment.”
“Oh shit, yeah,” she replies. As she grabs her paper and launches into her questions about the piece, I can’t take my eyes off her mouth, or wipe the smile from my face.
Seventeen
Sadie
My phone is sitting in my hands, an unsent message haunting me on the screen. It’s just past nine, and I’m so restless I could die. I wasn’t kidding when I told Lucas today that it’s been far too long for me.
It’s not that I was used to getting sex every week, but I had a healthy sex life before this baby came along. Or maybe before I moved in with Luke. I don’t know which one killed it more or if it was both.
So now I’m sitting here alone in the back office of the club, staring at my phone, contemplating this message. I’ve never been so desperate for sex in my life, but I figure if I’m going to scratch this itch, I might as well do it with him, right?
He is the father of my baby, after all.
Busy tonight? Wanna hang out?
“Just hit send, you coward,” I mutter to myself.
Something is holding me back, and I don’t know what it is. Maybe I’m just determined to have a better night with Jax than we had the first time. Maybe Lucas has gotten into my head so much that I don’t feel like myself anymore.
I have other past friends with benefits I could call. People in this club right now who would love some company, I’m sure. But I’m desperately clinging to something with Jax—this dream of something perfect. Which makes me feel out of my mind. I barely know the guy. Envisioning some picturesque life together with him and me and the baby is so out of touch with reality it’s humiliating.
But I can’t help it. That’s what I want.
Suddenly, my thumb smashes the send button without hesitation.
It’s a Thursday night. There’s no way he’s going to respond?—
Hey sexy. I’m not busy.
I bolt upright in my seat. My eyes scan the message three times to be sure I’m reading it right.
Then another text comes through and I instantly deflate.
Having a few drinks at Club Max. You should come.
I hate Club Max. After a bad experience there a few years back, I haven’t stepped foot in that club and going alone is the worst of bad ideas. But surely, I’ll be fine tonight. I’ll be with Jax.
Hesitantly, I type out my response.
