AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Don’t make a big deal?” I echo in astonishment. He’s been trying to secure a publishing deal since he was seventeen. We must have sent out a thousand demo tapes that first year he came to live with me in New York.
“And they’re here in Austin?” I add with a grin. “This is amazing!”
“Is it?” he asks with a wince.
“What are you talking about? It’s perfect. You can stay here and save up for your own place?—”
“Actually…I’m moving out.”
It’s like his words slice through mine. Or right through me.
“You don’t…have to…” I stammer as my mood begins to settle from elation to anxiety. “I can take care of you. I’ll sign on for another year at Austin State.”
Any plans to leave Austin seem like a pipe dream now. If Isaac is staying, he needs me, and I’ll stay.
“They’re putting me up in my own apartment.”
“Why do you look so upset about that?”
He shrugs. “Because I think you like having me around. If I’m gone, what are you going to do?”
When I laugh, I admit it feels forced. “I’ll have you know, I could be moving to England next year, so, uh…this is…perfect.”
Pressing his lips together, he’s giving me a look like maybe he’s not buying it. And yeah, maybe I am tamping down the rising feeling of discomfort at the idea that Isaac won’t need me anymore. He won’t show up out of the blue in need of laundry or money or guidance. He won’t have a safe place to land when he gets tired of the world.
He is twenty-seven now. Did I really think he’d have a room here forever?
“Of course I like having you around,” I add under my breath. The more I speak, the harder it is to hold back my emotions. Squeezing my molars together, I struggle to keep myself in check. “But I’m proud of you.”
Looking up at me, his mouth lifts in a crooked smile. “Awww…” he teases. “You love me.”
Rolling my eyes, I stand from the table. “Grow up.”
“You can say it, Lucas. You love me, and you’ll miss having me around.”
As I set my food container on the kitchen island, I glance over at my little brother. He’s grinning up at me like a fool, and I simply shake my head. Sometimes I feel bad that I got so much time with Isaac that my other brothers didn’t get.
I’ve never asked Isaac if he’s been in contact with our brothers. He talks to Mom, and that’s all I need to know. Part of me suspects Adam or Caleb have reached out or found him, but that’s not up to me.
Growing up, Caleb and Adam were stuck in their own ignorance to be any good for Isaac. They never meant our little brother any harm, but I was the only one standing up to the miserable bigot that is our father. Caleb was too busy looking out for me and Adam was following in the old man’s footsteps.
And yet, getting to watch Isaac grow up has felt like a privilege I don’t deserve.
At least he had someone. At least Isaac got to keep one brother. Even if it is the lame, boring, uptight, no-fun brother.
Even if it is all about to come to an end.
But if the one person I’ve focused on caring for doesn’t need me anymore, what the hell am I going to do now?
Five
Sadie
There’s an incessant buzzing in the distance, and it’s distracting me from this peaceful, dreamless slumber. When I roll over on my bed to shut my phone up, something light and papery lands on my face.
Opening my eyes, I pick up the weathered copy of Paradise Lost.
“What the fuck?” I croak.
