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And there’s not a doubt in my heart that he means it.
Forty-Two
Lucas
Two months later
My mother sets a cake covered in candles in the center of the table between Caleb and me as the family starts singing. Abigail is bouncing on her feet next to me as I stare at my twin brother without blinking.
It’s a stupid tradition we started when we were about eight years old. An annual stare-off over the birthday cake while everyone sings to us. Honestly, it’s better than awkwardly staring at everyone while they sing an off-key version of the worst song in existence.
Sadie sticks out her tongue at me from behind my brother, and I crack a smile that makes me blink.
“You lose!” Abigail cheers as everyone laughs through the last line of the song.
Caleb beams triumphantly across from me. Thirty-five years old and we still act like children.
“You lose, Uncle Luke,” Abigail repeats, which makes me laugh.
“I know, Abby. It’s okay, though. Your dad always beats me.”
She giggles as my mother cuts the cake. Technically, our birthday was on Thursday, but Sadie and I had tickets to a play downtown, and Caleb wanted to spend it at home with his own family, so we’re celebrating with the big family at Sunday dinner.
My mother just had a new table delivered a few days ago, so it’s our first one at the much larger version that seats all of us, with room for more. I glance at the empty one in the corner, still reserved for Isaac. And I remember what he said that night.
He’s almost ready to come back. I can’t even begin to imagine what that must be like. To be estranged from most of your family for so long that you feel like a stranger in your own home. I’ve hardly seen him since that night. He’s been in the studio a lot working on the album. It’s all recorded and set to come out in August.
We should be sharing a cake at the table for that accomplishment alone.
Maybe someday he will.
He has been texting nearly every day to check on Sadie. She’s officially full term, which means the baby could come any day now. But technically, her due date isn’t for another three weeks. She’s miserable ninety percent of the time, and it’s killing me. I want to ease all of her pain. Her backaches, her heartburn, her rib pain. I hate to see her suffer.
I take a bite of my cake, chocolate with vanilla sprinkle frosting because that’s all Caleb and I could agree on as kids. Mom has taken it to heart ever since.
But as soon as I set my fork down and push the sugary sweet plate away, I have a baby thrust into my arms.
“Hold her for me, will you?” I glance up at my brother, Adam, who drops Faith into my arms. The bald-headed baby stares up at me with round blue eyes as she blows bubbles through her tiny lips.
“Uh…sure,” I say, sending him a grimace as he laughs.
Then he picks up his plate and walks over to where Sage is sitting and talking to Briar. He feeds her a bite of cake and takes a seat next to her. They’re lucky they have so many open arms to help them with their baby.
I guess in less than a month’s time, we will too.
Faith smiles up at me, and it takes up her entire face. A big toothless grin and dimples in her adorable chubby cheeks. There’s a rubber giraffe in her hand that she slams into her mouth with little to no coordination. As she chews on the leg of the toy, she just stares at me.
I have two nieces, and it never fails to knock me off my feet how someone can be so incredibly loved from the moment they’re born. I love Faith and Abby with so much of my heart, it’s unbelievable.
There’s a small hint of worry that creeps in every time I look at them, though. Will that same natural love bloom in my heart when our baby is born?
My gut tells me yes—emphatically yes.
But my cynical mind dwells on it.
Regardless, I will give him or her everything. I will love them no matter what. But I can’t wait until that day. I can’t wait to hold them and stare at the child that I already love as my own.
Sadie has had a couple of conversations with Jax about the baby and his role in his or her life. She’s worried he’ll only show up enough for the child to get attached but not enough to be a devoted parent. She wants to protect her baby, and I love her so fiercely for that. And we have a lot to figure out when it comes to how exactly we’re going to raise this baby with him, but I have no doubt we’ll know what to do when the time is right.
