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“You just gave her a book and left?” Isaac asks from across the living room.
My elbows are on my knees, with my hands buried in my hair. “I’m not good at this, Isaac,” I groan.
“Clearly,” he replies sarcastically. “Did you tell her you were quitting your job?”
“No. She just changed her major to my program. I don’t want this to distract her.”
“Fair, but you have to do something to show her you’ve changed,” he says.
“She’ll have to talk to me first,” I reply.
“Well, you’re not going to accomplish that by sitting here with me,” he argues.
“Apparently, I’m not going to accomplish it standing in front of her either,” I say with a moan.
“Come on, Luke. If you quit your job and turned down the chance of a lifetime for her, I think she’d like to know!”
“Stop yelling at me,” I snap.
“Nice try, brother, but you can’t just boss me around. And right now, you need to hear this.” Isaac breaks out in laughter. “It’s kinda funny when you think about it. She came to you so you could help her get her life together, and now you’re the one whose life is a mess. That’s a coincidence.”
“It’s called irony,” I reply with a grimace.
“Whatever.”
“And I’m fully aware of how ironic this is,” I mutter into my hands. Picking up my phone, I pull up our text thread and stare at it aimlessly. “Should I text her?”
“Fuck texts. You should go see her.”
“I can’t just show up at her house,” I say. “I don’t even know what the fuck to say.”
“Start on your knees,” Isaac says distractedly. My head snaps up to glare at him as he rolls his eyes.
“I didn’t mean it like that. I meant that you have some begging to do, brother.”
It feels wrong when I think about it, picturing myself on my knees for her. Kneeling is submitting. It’s relinquishing control to someone you trust, and I trust Sadie more than I’ve ever trusted anyone in my life, but handing over control? That isn’t something I can do so naturally.
And yet she’s done it for me countless times. She trusted me to never hurt her too much. To never make her feel inferior or unappreciated. She trusted me with so much. And not just in a physical way, but she trusted me with her life. To help her. Guide her. Care about her.
And what did I do in return?
I put myself before her. I prioritized my fucking job when a perfect living, breathing, beautiful human wanted my devotion.
Fuck, I need to do more than kneel for her. I’d set myself on fire just to keep her warm.
But she never asked for anything so dramatic. No, what she asked for was so much more simple than that.
What is wrong with me?
I shove my phone into my pocket.
“You’re right,” I say as I bolt to a standing position. “I need to see her. Now.”
Isaac looks up in shock from the baby name book she left behind. “That’s more like it. What are you going to say?”
“I’ll start with I’m sorry and see where it goes from there.”
“Good start,” he replies. “I’ll get out of here in case you two come back here to rekindle things.” He makes a squeamish face as he drops the book on the table and stands. As he grabs his keys from the table, I pause and give him a concerned look.
