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“Are you sure you’re okay being alone?” I ask.
Shooting me a perplexed look, he replies, “I’m always alone, Luke.”
For some reason, that comment slices me open like a knife. I’m always alone, too. But I don’t want to be alone anymore, and it’s the first time I’ve actually accepted that.
I don’t want to be alone anymore.
In fact, the idea sends chills down my spine because what if she doesn’t accept my apology? What if it’s not enough for her, and she doesn’t take me back? Then, I will be stuck alone forever. Something I once dreamed of now feels like my worst nightmare—all because of her.
Isaac seems to notice my heavy expression. “You okay?”
Solemnly, I nod. “Yeah. Or…no, I guess.”
“Crystal clear,” he retorts sarcastically.
As he tries to walk past me, I grab his arm to stop him. “You don’t have to be alone, you know? Just because you don’t want the family we were given doesn’t mean you can’t find a new one.”
Isaac’s expression turns serious, which isn’t all that common for him. So, I appreciate the lightness in his eyes.
He turns them down to the floor as he uncomfortably mutters, “I know that. It’s just not easy dating as a closeted country musician with trauma and emotional baggage.”
“I don’t believe that at all,” I reply.
As he turns his gaze back up to my face, he forces a tight smile. “Thanks, and for what it’s worth…it’s not that I don’t want the family I was given. In fact, I was thinking…maybe soon, I could…you know…”
My molars clench and something inside me tightens. I’ve come to recognize this as my protective, territorial side. Because I know what Isaac is implying—he’s thinking about coming back into the fold of our family. Reuniting himself with Caleb and Adam and even our mother in more familial, less-guarded circumstances.
I don’t know how I feel about this. I’ve had Isaac to myself for so long; I don’t want to lose this. He’s mine. My little brother. And it’s been my job to keep him safe for the past ten years, but can I really keep him safe? And for how long?
But my insecurities shouldn’t be the reason he’s deprived of a family who loves him. If he is ready to come home, then I should support him. Besides, the monster who drove him away is gone now, and our brothers would only show him love. So what am I so afraid of?
I clap a hand on his shoulder as I force my own body to relax. “Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here to support you.”
His eyes glisten as he nods and looks away. “You always have.”
Now it’s my turn to look down and blink away tears. This feels like the end of something significant. Something I’m not ready to let go of. But life rarely happens when you’re ready.
“Okay, seriously, go. Get that phenomenal girl back.” He pushes me toward the door as he follows behind. I watch as he shoves his feet into his boots, getting hit with a wave of nostalgia. It’s as if it’s the last time I’ll watch him do that.
I don’t spend the drive rehearsing lines I won’t say. There’s no point. My mind is blank as I drive until the next thing I know, I’m standing on her front porch steps, ringing the doorbell at almost nine o’clock at night.
Her father comes to the door with a disgruntled expression.
“Hi, sorry,” I stammer. “I know it’s late, but is Sadie here? Could I please speak to her…sir?”
I’ve never felt like a bigger fool in my life, and I’ve never not cared so much, either.
“She’s at work, Luke,” he says impatiently. I’m sure he doesn’t think highly of me at the moment, and I don’t blame him. I don’t think too highly of myself either, but I’m working on it.
“Work. Of course,” I say with a shake of my head as I step away from the door and move to my car. “Thanks again,” I call back as I retreat into the darkness.
But before I can get away, another figure steps out onto the porch steps. Sadie’s brother, Jonah, stands about three inches taller than me and crosses his arms over his chest like a pissed-off guard dog.
Their father has already disappeared into the house, and I’m left to face Sadie’s fiercest protector.
“Hi, Jonah,” I say with an awkward wave.
He launches into a tirade, his hands moving angrily as he signs, almost too fast for me to follow.
