AllFreeNovel
Share Us
His expression doesn’t change, even as a fire begins to brew inside me.
“Is this why you’re here? To remind me of what a terrible father I am? Adam and Caleb have already delivered that message, Lucas. I don’t need to hear it again.”
“You really were a terrible father,” I say. “So, why did you have us? Why have four kids if you didn’t want us? You could have been a great man. Maybe nobody would have faulted you for your vices if you had an ounce of humility, but you hurt the five people who loved you most. The people you were supposed to protect. So I guess I’m just here to understand…why?”
For the first time since I sat down, he seems to let his guard down. It’s as if he realizes I’m not here to attack him but to just understand him. He lets out a deep breath I’m sure he’s been holding for a long time.
“I wanted to be a good father, Lucas. When Adam was born, I really did think I was going to be the best father. Then, you two were born, and then…” His voice trails as he thinks of Isaac, and something inside me stiffens. I breathe a sigh of relief when he doesn’t utter his name. I hate that my brother even exists in my father’s head, so I don’t know if I could bear to hear him speak about him.
Truett lets out another sigh as he leans forward and rubs a hand over his face. “I loved my boys.” When his voice cracks, I fight the urge to flee. The last thing I want to do is hear my father cry like a victim in any of this.
“But I wasn’t the father I wanted to be. And there were days I regretted having you. I considered leaving. But then I would show up at the church, and everyone loved me. Do you understand what that’s like, Luke? To find more joy in your work than your own family? It was more powerful than I could have imagined.”
“It’s all you cared about,” I mutter under my breath.
To my surprise, he nods. “It is all I cared about.”
The rage inside me boils hotter but as I glance up and look into his eyes, seeing him for what he really is—a man who never should have been a father, the fire starts to die off.
As a son, to hear this hurts. To know my own father didn’t want me. He loved something more.
The fact that he’s finally owning up to his own behavior shakes me to my core.
I bury my fingers in my hair and let my head hang forward. Right now, the world feels so heavy, it’s practically pulling me under. How could I have almost promised myself to Sadie with even a sliver of a chance that I could end up like this?
“I don’t want to be like you,” I growl into my hands.
To my surprise, my father lets out a chuckle. Which turns into a laugh, and when I peek through my fingers with confusion, I find him smiling and it’s the most perplexed I’ve ever been in my life.
“You? Like me?” he says with a laugh.
“What’s so funny?” I say with annoyance.
“Lucas, of all my kids, you were the least like me. Adam, sure. I could see Adam following in my footsteps, and even Caleb had a mean streak I recognized, but you? If your twin brother didn’t look so much like me, I’d have thought you were another man’s child.”
“Well, bad news. I’m a workaholic, and guess who I got that from,” I snap.
“I wasn’t a workaholic,” he says, which only grates on my nerves. Just as I’m about to argue with him for trying to escape the blame once again, he holds up his hands in surrender. “It wasn’t my work I loved. It was the fame. The attention. The power. I didn’t give a shit about the work.”
“Wow…” I say as I shake my head. “Prison has really beat the humility out of you, hasn’t it?”
He shrugs with defeat. “What the fuck do I have to lose now? You think I care anymore? I have nothing left, Lucas. So yeah…I can admit now what I’ve done wrong.”
Neither of us speak for a moment. All of this is so hard to take in. It’s so incredibly foreign to hear my father talk about himself in a way that isn’t dripping with self-righteousness.
“Why are you all of a sudden so worried about being like me?” he asks, but before he can answer, his mouth forms an O shape as if he suddenly realizes. “You’re about to be a father, aren’t you?”
“Maybe,” I reply. “I want to be.”
It’s the first time I’ve really admitted that out loud, and it feels good. I want to be with Sadie, and I want to raise this child with her. He might not biologically belong to me, but it feels like we’ve made him together. So much so that there’s an ache in my chest for him. Something I’ve never felt before in my life.
“What the hell are you so worried about, then?” he asks with a shake of his head. “You’ve clearly expressed everything I did wrong. So, do the opposite.”
“It’s not that easy,” I argue.
“Sure it is,” he replies, and I immediately hold up my hand.
“I’m not taking parenting advice from you.”
