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“No,” she replies without tearing her eyes away, making me feel about three inches tall.
And suddenly, I realize it. I’m a coward.
“Well, I’m relieved,” the dean says as he sits back in his chair. “Dr. Goode, the university is very proud to have you on staff and thrilled about the work you’ll be doing with the Stratford Project later this year. We would hate to lose you, so we appreciate your honesty in this matter.
“And, Ms. Green, I apologize for having to bring you in and putting you in this situation. Please accept my sincerest apologies.”
Sadie nods softly before standing from her chair and bolting toward the door. It takes everything in me not to rush after her. Instead, I stand up and shake the dean’s hand before saying my goodbyes and leaving his office.
Sadie is practically running. I have another class to attend today, but I need to see her first. I need to speak to her.
“Sadie, wait,” I call when we reach the parking lot. She doesn’t turn back. She doesn’t respond. She’s just marching angrily toward her car.
“Miss Green, stop!” I shout, but she doesn’t listen. She gets to her car and tears open the door, and when she turns back to get in, I notice the tears streaking across her face.
“Sadie,” I call with alarm.
Before she can slam the door on me, I grab it to keep it open.
“Leave me alone, Luke,” she cries.
“What’s wrong? Everything worked out fine. We got out of it.”
“Oh, yes. Thank God for you, right? Thank God you still have your job.” Her tone is laced with bitterness and rage.
“What?” I reply in shock.
“Since I know that is the most important thing to you, right, Luke?”
“Sadie,” I say, “I need my job.”
She bursts out of the car and stands chest to chest with me as she shouts.
“This isn’t about needing your job, and you know it. This is about you thinking that you need your job. Because it is the most important thing in the world to you, right? It is the number one priority. Your job, your work, this program, how special it’ll be, how you were made for this, and so much more, right? I was a fool for ever thinking that I could be one of your priorities ranked anywhere near the top. You’re right, Luke. You lied to the dean, and you told him I meant nothing to you, and that was exactly what you had to do to keep your job.
“But you know, it made me realize something. It made me realize that I will never be everything to you. I will always come in second. I will always be the runner-up, and I deserve so much more. You can’t even deny it because you know that it’s true.”
I’m staring at her dumbly, my mouth hanging open with no response. Probably because she’s right.
“You think this is what I wanted? I told you I didn’t want to be in a relationship, Sadie. I told you I couldn’t be the man you needed,” I argue, which was the wrong thing to say. She throws up her arms and rolls her eyes.
“No, Luke, I get it. You’ve told me before. You never wanted me. You never meant to fall in love with me. Being so in love with me is just a huge problem for you, right? Well, how about this? How about I just make this so much easier for you? I won’t be a problem anymore. How about that?”
“Sadie, please,” I beg. The panic building inside me has me suddenly not caring that we’re in a public place and people are watching. Suddenly, I don’t give a shit about that. “That’s not what I meant,” I say.
“I don’t care what you meant, Luke. You didn’t mean any of it, right? You didn’t mean to fall in love. You didn’t mean for this to happen. You just wanted to work and fuck and go to England and be in your stupid project, right? You were never gonna put me first. You were never gonna sacrifice your work or this program for me. Meanwhile, here I am, in love with you, ready to give you everything. But all you were going to give me was a sliver.”
“Sadie, stop,” I say, feeling frantic and desperate. The words coming from her mouth terrify me.
“You tell me that I deserve so much more, but you were never going to give me everything, were you?” Her voice cracks and I have no response as the words trail, unfinished. “But this is what you do, Luke. You don’t realize this power you have. You let women fall in love with you just so you can run away and break our hearts. You did try to warn me.”
“Sadie,” I whisper pleadingly, “I’ll give you everything. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah?” she asks, more tears streaming down her face. “Okay, prove it. Prove you’ll give me everything.”
But I don’t move. I can’t. I’m a coward.
“It’s fine, Luke. It’s okay to be married to your job. It’s okay to want more from your life than raising someone else’s baby. But next time you take in someone, offering to help make their life better, do not let that person fall in love with you. Do not do to somebody else what you’ve done to me.”
