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Lifting my head slowly, I gritted my teeth as a sharp pain tore through my temple and lifted one eyelid just enough to see the creature sleeping on my chest.
I didn’t understand what I was looking at. I blinked down at the angel sprawled across my body, waiting for a thought to form, for some logical explanation to surface, but my brain was an oxygen-deprived wasteland. It wasn’t capable of anything more than basic observation, but my heart didn’t care. It had her. It didn’t need an explanation.
Lifting my hand to her head, I ran my scabbed knuckles over the long, soft waves cascading down her back. Her hair was damp and cold. Her eyelids fluttered at my touch. And the early morning sun bouncing off the water next to us illuminated every freckle on her beautiful face. This was no dream. She was really here, in the flesh, and for a moment, I thought I’d died and gone to heaven.
But I was in too much pain to be in heaven. Perhaps I’d pulled her out of the dream world after all, and now, we were stuck in some kind of purgatory, some in-between place. I didn’t know, but the more I tried to process it, the more my skull throbbed and my vision blurred.
Dropping my head back onto the rocky ground, I stared up at the stone ceiling overhead and marveled at the rise and fall of her back under my splayed hand. I had no memories of the past and no capacity to think about the future. All I could do was try to stay conscious long enough to appreciate the sensation of her warm body draped over mine.
As I stroked her hair, she shifted sleepily, nuzzling my chest with a soft moan as her hand slid across my stomach. My abs flexed violently beneath her featherlight touch, causing pain to shoot out in all directions from my side, but it was a dull roar compared to the sensation of her lazy fingertips drifting over to my hip. My heart stopped, and my cock swelled as she unfastened something on my belt—the anticipation of her next move almost more excruciating than my injuries. But then, with a quiet snap and a flick of her wrist, she was gone.
The sound of crunching pebbles echoed off the stone walls as I winced and lifted my head again. The girl ran to the farthest corner of the cave and plastered her back against it. Then, she lifted a gun—my gun—and aimed it directly at my face. I couldn’t remember what I’d done to upset her. I didn’t even know where I was. But when I opened my mouth to apologize, to reassure her, the words wouldn’t come out. I cleared my throat and coughed and groaned, but all that accomplished was making my injuries hurt infinitely worse. Glancing down at my side, which felt like it had been run through with a rusty bayonet, I saw that half of my uniform was soaked with blood.
Glancing back at the girl, I reached for her in desperation, tried again to speak, to call to her, but the words were just beyond my grasp, lingering at the edges of my consciousness where the darkness was closing in.
The last thing I saw before I surrendered to the void was her perfect face contorting into a silent sob as her knees buckled and her back slid down the wall.
I was wrong, I thought as the nothingness cracked open and swallowed me whole.
I’m not on my way to hell.
I’m already there.
CHAPTER 9
CLOVER
Isat and stared at the body lying in front of me for what felt like hours, trying to process what had just happened.
I’d thought that waking up on the blood-soaked chest of a Russian officer was terrifying, but it was nothing compared to the moment when I finally saw his eyes. Because in that moment, I feared my own mind even more than I feared him.
Only one person had eyes like that—gray as the cave walls on a cloudy day—and he was a figment of my imagination. So, if I was seeing him in the flesh, that could only mean one thing.
It was happening again.
“Ah, look. Here comes Crazy Clover. She talks to an invisible fairy, that one.”
“Aye, and she claims her ma’s a selkie.”
“Poor lass. Cute as a button, but mad as a box of frogs.”
“Hey, Clo, where’s yer imaginary friend? I’m not steppin’ on him, am I?”
I’d been delusional after my ma died. I understood that now, but when I looked back, it was scary how real it had all seemed. How my mind had the power to trick me into believing whatever might make me feel better, no matter how fantastical. I’d been convinced that a real-life fairy was with me at all times, hidden just out of sight, offering his silent sympathy and companionship. I’d been absolutely sure of it.
So, it made sense that, now that I’d lost the rest of my family, I was hallucinating him again.
But the realization was terrifying.
If my brain was capable of projecting the face of my childhood imaginary friend onto a stranger who wanted to kill me and destroy my entire country, then I had to get as far away from him—and anyone else who might want to hurt me—as possible before it happened again.
Standing up, I tucked the gun I’d taken from him into the back of my shorts and tiptoed across the cave floor. The man was unconscious, but I still moved as quietly as possible, hoping the distant explosions and clanking of plane wreckage washing up against the cliff outside would mask what little noise I did make.
Once I reached the cluster of boulders in the back corner of the cave, I reached into my hiding spot with trembling fingers. The contents inside of my secret backpack had always been precious to me, but now …
Now, they were all I had left.
The straps were too tight when I slid the bag onto my shoulders, still adjusted to fit my eleven-year-old body, but I kept them that way. It felt more secure.
