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Chloe grins. “I hope to see you again soon.”
I nod as we shake hands, but I know there’s no way in hell I can afford this luxury. But today was something every woman should have the chance to experience at least once in their life. Who am I kidding? This is a taste of how the other half live. Even Vince doesn’t use a personal shopper... or maybe he does.
I’m not sure whether to be disappointed or relieved when I arrive back at Gabriel’s apartment to find it empty. I move to the kitchen area and notice a note left on the side.
Leah
I’ve gone to meet with Caleb. I won’t need dinner.
Hope your shopping trip went well.
Gabriel
With Gabriel out, I sit in the main living area. The view over the water is spectacular, highlighting the vibrancy of our city.
I grab my laptop and look up Chloe’s clothing line. I scroll through the pages of clothes.
Wow, she is truly talented.
I click on a couple of summer dresses and a top, placing an order. I smile before flashing the URL to both Stella and Nat. A small boutique, what’s not to love?
My email pings.
It’s my weekly update from my parents detailing the friends and ex-colleagues they’ve met up with.
I click on the photographs, taking in their healthy glow and relaxed postures. I miss them, especially now, but there’s no way I will have them mar their brows with worry as they think of me at home.
The last picture is of my mum holding a baby. She’s added a caption. Can’t wait for grandbabies of my own. Pain lances through my chest. Damn Vince. It’s not only my dreams, but he’s also shattered theirs.
I stare at the picture of my mum holding their friend’s grandchild, my dad looking down at them both, his finger being gripped in a tiny hand. I bite down on my hand to stifle the sob that threatens. My mum had a rough pregnancy with me. As a result, the doctors advised them not to try for any more children. My mum, blessed to have me, followed the doctor’s advice. Both my parents smothered me with love. Love and laughter always filled our house, but it hasn’t stopped me from dreaming of a large family. Vince always knew this. I thought we were on the same page.
My mind wanders back to my lunch date with the girls. The thought of dating again leaves me cold and detached. The effort it will take to get to know someone, to be able to trust them. I’m not sure I want that, at least not yet. But then, do I have time to waste? If I want to see my dreams of a family fulfilled. I’m not getting any younger. From next year, any pregnancy means I fall under geriatric, meaning the risks go up for both me and the baby. That’s not including if I have any issues getting pregnant.
When I look back on my relationship with Vince, I can see how naïve I was. There was always an excuse to take the next step to start a family. A friend’s wedding, another fancy holiday, a promotion at work. That’s why I was surprised when Yasmin announced she was expecting. Vince has always been super cautious, taking charge of birth control even when I was on the pill. We never had unprotected sex in the whole ten years we were together.
“Can’t be too careful,” he used to say. “There’s plenty of time for that.”
Well, my time with Vince has passed. Do I hope Mr Right appears? Of course. But what then? A year, maybe two, as we get to know each other. I’ll be thirty-six, maybe thirty-seven, and that’s if I meet someone immediately. Not if I end up dating a few idiots along the way.
I rub my eyes. My hopes and dreams for the future are slowly dying.
I flip back to the internet and pause... typing and hitting return before I can change my mind.
Pregnancy options for single women
The search engine spits out its results.
Wow, who knew there’d be so many options.
I click on one website.
IVF: the option to freeze my eggs for later use or to have them fertilised by donor sperm.
IUI: or intrauterine insemination using a donor at a fertility clinic.
Artificial Insemination comes up next. The DIY of pregnancy. I smile as I read more information on the subject. I’m astonished by the vast amount of information that is accessible. YouTube videos on how to use the kits, where to go and what to look out for. I read several testimonials for one site and I decide to enter my details.
What have I got to lose?
