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Mal nodded and pointed to Binx. “Exactly. That’s exactly it.”
“I don’t want to sneak around either, but…”
Ruben set his hand over Sel’s. “You want him. You like him more than you meant to.”
“Yeah. Yeah, exactly.”
When he’d had his fill of wine, food, and conversation, he excused himself to head to his room. He took his wineglass to the kitchen, washing it while his eyes kept wandering over to the basement door.
He wanted Indio. That was true. Maybe it was simply wanting something he couldn’t, or rather shouldn’t, have. But Sel was smart enough to know the difference, no matter what he tried to convince himself of.
The top of the stairs found him glancing over his shoulder, wishing for Indio to be at the bottom, so Sel could wave him to follow. A house filled with people, and the only one he could think of was the one that didn’t seem to want anything to do with him.
When he got into his room, however, he was shocked to see Indio sitting on his bed, staring at his phone until he heard Sel enter. His head turned slowly while Sel’s breath caught in his throat.
“Close the door.”
Like he was acting on autopilot, he did until he heard the gentle click and his eyes met Indio’s. “What are you doing up here?”
“I think we need to talk. Don’t you?”
Sel walked slowly over to the bed and sat next to him. “Yeah. I thought you didn’t want to.”
“I don’t. I want to move on and forget about you, but you won’t let me.” He shook his head with a chuckle and corrected, “No. That ain’t fair. I won’t let me.”
Sel agreed, “Me too. I…okay, I like you, Indio. I like you and I didn’t mean to. I know this feels dangerous to you.”
“No, that ain’t it. I mean, sure, it is, but unless they kill me, I make up my own mind about shit. Still…this is new to me. Admitting that I like guys at all is new to me. I wasn’t raised that way, that it’s all good to be…to be gay. Far from it. My dad was a total asshole, and the only regular thing he did besides beating my ass was dragging me to mass every Sunday.”
In that one confession, Sel learned more about the guy than he ever thought he would. He was tender, under all of it, and he was scared shitless, but not of Sel’s family. “You’ve never liked a guy.”
“I have, you know? Crushes and shit. Never acted on them. To get off, I’d go two cities over to some backdoor clubs where no one knew me.” He took a huge breath in and let it out slowly until he said, “I can’t say I’ll ever be more than a fuck. If you can live with that, then…yeah.”
Sel knew he couldn’t live with that, but he also knew something else. Indio was fooling himself. There were many gay men around, and there would be many more soon. If all he was after was a fuck, he could find a much easier, much safer fuck to have.
He let Indio believe what he wanted to believe, however. Sel knew he’d grab onto the man’s heart eventually, if he didn’t already own it. Taking Indio’s hand, he whispered, “Then I’ll take what I can get. For now.”
“For now, huh?”
“Yeah. For now,” he said with his lips twitching like crazy.
With relief, he saw Indio was smiling too. “Let me lock the door,” Indio said, letting go of Sel’s hand and getting up slowly.
Sel’s heart was doing a dance in his chest, one of those fast dances that made the dancers sweat. Then his stomach got in on it, and his entire torso thrummed.
“I, uh, don’t have any condoms or anything. I didn’t come here planning to fuck.”
“Yeah, I never leave home without them. They’re on the shelf right there,” Indio told him as he nodded at the night table.
On the little shelf under the top surface, he saw a tube of lube and a box of condoms. Magnums, in fact, and Sel swallowed.
Sel stood when Indio made it back over to the bed, and he moved his mouth to Indio’s, kissing him almost timidly. There was so much holding Indio back, so much fear of feeling too much, that Sel knew he had to take it slowly with the man.
Indio kissed him back, holding his head in both hands, taking over the kiss until Sel was swaying his lower body, shaking hands moving to Indio’s waist.
Tender, delicious, loving, none of the adjectives he’d ever thought he’d use for Indio. “You sure kiss good for a pretty boy.”
“Yeah? You kiss pretty good for a mean ass biker.”
