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“As much as you did.”
“But I wouldn’t have acted on it! Why, why did you do that? Tell me the real reason.”
“I am compelled to extremes at times if it is part of a wish. To me, it feels natural. It feels necessary. I am sorry if that upsets you.” I try again to say more, but until Jeffrey asks the remaining right questions, my lips are sealed.
“This is what you meant.” He nods to himself. “This is how what was done to you is punishment. You can’t really control yourself.”
“Not completely, no.”
“But I just have to keep wishing, right?” He sits up taller. “And be more careful about what I wish? Then it can be okay? Right?”
“It… could be.” I make my hesitation clear, because if he means to avoid my extremes, that may not be possible. Although I can sense so much from him and know some things through him, I cannot always tell when my actions to fulfill a wish are more than what he would want. I cannot always care, for I become a creature of compulsion.
“But you were so perfect.” Jeffrey’s voice catches on a sob. He wrings his hands and drops his head down as the tears begin to fall. “This was all so perfect…”
“No one is perfect, Jeffrey, much as I would be for you, if I could be.”
He sobs harder. “But… why am I always the one who’s wrong?” After a longer series of sniffles, he rubs at his eyes. “I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. You didn’t deserve what happened to you. I don’t want to blame you. It just scares me. Is there a way to fix this, even if I can’t wish for it?” At last, he looks up again through eyes that are especially green with tears in them.
“Yes.”
“But you can’t tell me exactly how?”
“No.”
“Then I will figure it out on my own.” He wipes at his eyes again with added determination. “Because you want me to, right? You want to stay with me like you said you did, right?”
I brush away the rest of his stubborn tears and keep my hand on his cheek. As fearful as he may be, it pleases me that he does not flinch. “Yes, Jeffrey. Very much.”
Jeffrey leans into my touch and smiles. “Then it’ll be okay. It will be. For now, I… I wish—” The elation hits me, waiting for the inevitable drop-off once I grant whatever he asks for “—for us to watch another movie together so we can forget about all the bad things that happened today.”
Oh, Jeffrey. I have scared his tender soul and cannot say if I will avoid doing so again. I move slowly in case he does not desire the kiss I press to his lips.
He kisses me back, and I whisper:
“Granted.”
Chapter twelve
Jeffrey
Odai blinded a man.
Odai is dangerous.
Odai didn’t even recognize he had done something wrong until I called him on it.
And in Mattie’s journal, I found multiple entries of her discovering that Odai did similar acts of violence in her time. All in the name of protecting Mattie’s wishes.
I try to not berate myself too much for not continuing to read the journal right away. If I had and discovered these things sooner, I might not have allowed myself to get to know Odai better. To learn about what happened to him. Or to fall for him as hard and as fast as I did, calling him boyfriend after… ten days? Is that all?
But I like him. I like him so much. He does not deserve what happened to him. He deserves freedom, and I don’t want to regret getting here, even if now, the burden to prevent worse things from happening is on me.
In Mattie’s entries, what begun to happen was just as brutal.
July 12, 1885
Mr. Harrington Williams was missing a hand the last time he came to our establishment. Couldn’t remember how he lost it. Given that was the hand he used to slap Charlene the week before, I have my suspicions about where it went.
