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I finished my shift, did the shift change, and updated the system, making sure everything was dotted and crossed. The entire time, I was faking it, acting like it was no big deal. And each minute I did so made the pain stronger. It took all I had not to go into the supply closet, lock the door, and cry—letting it all out.
Finally it was time to leave. I wasn’t even out of the building when I started dialing my mate. I just needed to hear his voice, needed to know that he was okay, to let him calm my beast. He picked up on the first ring.
“Just getting off?” His sleepy voice was adorable—not that I’d tell my sexy snow leopard that he was adorable—but he was.
“Getting off from work? Yeah. Not like getting off getting off—getting off.”
His rich chuckle over the phone soothed me—slightly. Nothing could do so completely—not even Anders. It was going to take time.
“Hey, something feels off,” he said, the sleepiness in his tone gone. I wasn’t even in the same room with him, and he saw me.
“Yeah, it was just kind of a shitty day.” I wasn’t going to pretend to be strong for him. He wasn’t my co-worker or a patient. He was my mate, and hiding things that mattered from him would never work out well.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No. Yes. I don’t know.” I reached my car and leaned against it, wanting to finish my phone call first. “I lost a patient.”
“Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry. Do you want to come over?”
“Yeah, yeah, I do.”
We’d been spending a lot of time at each other’s houses. But even so, I hadn’t wanted to push. It wasn’t like I was going to be good company.
“I’ll be there soon.”
When I arrived, he was already outside waiting for me, and I barely made it out of the car before his arms wrapped around me and he held me tight. It was exactly what I needed.
“I got you, Brett, I got you,” he whispered against the top of my head, and I let the tears finally come, sobbing into his shirt, sucking snot—basically being the grossness that was an emotional letdown.
“Come inside, let me shower you, get you something to eat, and then put you to bed.”
“I’m not five.” I forced a chuckle.
“No, you’re not, but everybody needs to be taken care of sometimes.”
And just like he promised me, he took me inside, set a nice hot shower, washed me from head to toe—ignoring the erection that his mere touch gave, knowing that wasn’t what I needed—and when I was dried off and in a pair of his old sweats, he fed me apple pancakes, this time with peanut butter on top.
By the time he led me to bed, I was ready for sleep. He climbed in behind me, holding me close, telling me how special I was, how important I was to him, how much me being in his life meant to him, until I dozed off.
I slept for hours, and when I woke up, he was still there, keeping the bad dreams at bay.
“Thank you.” I rolled to face him. “I needed this.”
“I’m here for whatever you need. Always. And that includes if you want to talk about what happened.”
“It was Mrs. Harrison…” He’d already heard about her in passing, but this time was different. It was as if I were keeping her alive by sharing her with the person who meant the most to me in this world.
Anders listened intently, asking questions along the way, opening doors for me to share more.
“She was lucky to have you in her life for the short time she did. Being in the hospital and all alone, that’s rough. You made her less alone and treated her with dignity and compassion.” He cupped my cheek. “She was so lucky to have you in her life.”
“I feel the same about her.” It was weird having such a connection, but I wasn’t going to try to explain it away. Instead, I was going to cherish it.
“Want to run? I’ll even let you win.” He tapped my nose.
“You—let me?” I sat up. “As if.” I made sure he was looking directly at me before rolling my eyes, even though I had already suspected he never ran full speed around me to keep our playtime… playful. “First one to the river gets a blow job.”
“So you’re saying everyone wins?”
