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“Because I understand now. For the first time in my life, I finally understand. And now that I know what I really am, I can work to control myself. You can show me how.”
Calix looked to him as he had at the docks, like a scared cat who’d been kicked one too many times.
Aurelius squeezed the big hand. “I came here, didn’t I?”
“Yes, you did,” he whispered, returning the faint squeeze.
And if you asked me to do it, right now, knowing everything I now know, I would still pluck the rose.
“Please Calix, I almost lost you. I am not going to do anything to risk that again.”
Calix stepped away. “No, it won’t work. In times of peace, maybe we could make something happen. I do want to try. But we are about to start a war! I am the strategos. I will be away! Commanding my troops!”
Aurelius’s heart dropped. Amongst all that had happened, he hadn’t thought about that. But of course Calix would be gone. All Dynosia was about to change, wasn’t it?
“Exactly,” said Calix. “What would we do? Try to carry out an affair under the nose of thousands of troops, with all of them watching my every move?”
“You were a soldier before?” said Aurelius, desperately. “You must have had your own affairs back then? With Terim?”
His face darkened. “That was different. He was also in uniform. Tasks had to be done. Reconnaissance. Guard duty. Chopping wood and hunting for food. There were reasons you could disappear for hours with another soldier. But I am not some captain anymore, I am the strategos. And I won’t be with three other men, but with thousands. I’ll be in the big tent, in the middle of the camp. I’ll be the one giving the orders. How am I supposed to hide you? Keep you in a barrel of wine all day and drag you out at night?”
“There are worse ways to live?”
“I am serious, Aurie.”
Aurelius’s mind whirred. “What if... what if you didn’t have to hide me?”
Calix glared. “You know I can’t do that. I’m not like you.”
“No, I mean, you are going to war in a foreign land. In my foreign land. On the back of a deal that we created together?”
“And?”
“So... what if you took me on as your advisor? An allied aristocrat, in their own homeland? Someone to help you plan and strategize? Someone who knows the terrain? That wouldn’t look out of place, would it?”
Calix was still. “War isn’t a joke. We don’t employ proxenos, foreign advisors, just for show.”
“But I wouldn’t be there just for show! I know every power player and every noble in every mid and low polity in Greater Mestibes. They all sit in our senate—it’s one of the ways they keep the territory united. Sure, those small leaders, the prefects, aren’t that powerful in Mestibes proper, but in their own little patches they are basically kings. Aren’t they exactly the people we’ll need to be working with? To get intelligence and prepare tactics and... I don’t know, to convince people to hold lines and assist with defense when they think they’re all about to be killed?”
“Yes,” said Calix, cautiously. “Yes, they are.”
“Well, I could help with that!”
Calix shook his head. “We can’t be contemplating this. Can we?”
“Why not? Is it crazier than anything else we’ve done?”
“War wouldn’t be like anything you’ve experienced, Aurelius. It’s mud and saddle rash and running out of food and watching people die. It’s not a good place to be.”
“If I were beside you, that wouldn’t matter.”
The prince’s demeanor turned serious. “My soldiers come first. They will want to be in the battle, but I still hold their lives in my hands. Where I send them. The tactics I employ. I will not betray that. If this got in the way...”
Aurelius patted his hand. “I promise that if we try it and it doesn’t work then we can figure something else out. I can go away if I must—wait until after the war is over. But at least let us try.”
Calix looked at him for the longest time, at once scowling then giving a faint smile, turning away and looking back.
Aurelius’s pulse pounded, wondering whether it would be enough—after all he had put Calix through, would he be able to forgive that betrayal? Even now, he could still send him away, ask that the agreement be fulfilled and that he leave Ardora forever.
