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Neil sighed, touching his forehead as if warding off an oncoming headache. “I’m not a good man, Amelia.”
“Why would you say that?”
“Oh, please. Don’t be so naïve. I’ve done things. Terrible things. You don’t get to be as rich as I am while being a good person.” His voice was bitter, laced with self-loathing.
“But you are good! What does money have to do with anything?”
“Everything. Money, power, and control. I should never have allowed you to get so close to me. I’ve already endangered you enough as it is.”
I strained to understand where this was coming from. “Are you talking about what happened in Singapore? Is that what you mean? Because Daniel hasn’t contacted me or done anything since then. I think he’s given up on me.”
Neil said nothing, but every bone and muscle in his body seemed to strain.
I wished I could see into his mind, know what he was thinking and feeling. I rose and moved closer. “Look, I know you’re not perfect. None of us are. But I also know you have a good heart. I’ve seen it.”
“You don’t know me as well as you think you do.”
“Maybe not, but I’d like to get the chance to know you better. As a friend, at least. Can’t we move on from this and go back to how things were before?”
“We can’t be friends.” Neil drew his brows together, eyes full of regret. “I thought we could be, but I was mistaken.”
“Neil…” I reached out to touch his arm, but he flinched and turned his back on me.
“I need to get to the meeting.”
“What about me?”
“I don’t need you. Spend some time thinking about whether you’d like to resign or change roles within the company. I think it would be for the best if we didn’t work together anymore.”
Neil’s words replayed in an endless loop inside my head, tormenting me.
“I’m not a good man, Amelia. I’ve done things. Terrible things.”
What did he mean by that? What sort of “terrible things” could he have possibly done? I tossed and turned beneath the twisted sheets, analysing every detail of our exchange. Why did he blame himself for the kiss when I was the one who initiated it? He said he had manipulated me, but I didn’t feel that way at all. I wanted to kiss him. It was my choice as a grown woman who knew my own mind.
“It just can’t happen. Even if I wasn’t your boss, it can’t happen.”
If it wasn’t about the ethics of our working relationship, then why did he insist we couldn’t be together? Was it about me going away? Or did he just not like me?
My thoughts circled back to Singapore. The way he tensed up when I asked if his rejection had to do with what happened there. Was I getting close to something he didn’t want me to know?
I groaned, burying my face in the pillow. This endless guessing game was getting me nowhere. I tried to go to sleep, but whenever I closed my eyes, I was back in Neil’s office, in the midst of our confrontation.
The first rays of light peeked through the curtains by the time exhaustion claimed me. I had barely slipped under when I jolted awake to the screeching alarm. My head throbbed as though someone was drilling a hole into it. My joints ached, my nose was congested, and my throat felt raw. I couldn’t tell if it was the start of a cold or if stress had done me in. Either way, I knew I was in no state to go to work.
I called James, since I didn’t have the nerve to speak to Neil directly. “Hi James, it’s Milly. I don’t think I can make it into work today. I’m sick. Could you let Neil know?”
“Sure, no problem. Rest up.”
I thanked him and hung up, then swallowed a couple of painkillers before crawling back under the covers. Neil would probably think I was faking illness to avoid him, but so be it.
One day off stretched into two, then three, as I battled with sinus congestion, aches, chills, and fatigue. My doctor confirmed it was a virus, likely brought on by stress.
On the fourth day, I called the office again. My voice came out strained and hoarse. “Hey, James, it’s Milly again. Still not feeling well.”
“Yikes, you sound terrible!”
I let out a pathetic half-laugh, half-cough. “I guess this bug is really doing a number on me.”
