AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I get up from the table and follow Duke’s instructions, heading for his bedroom. It smells like him. Sawdust and tree bark. I avoid looking at his bed, swallowing back a sob as I grab a book at random from the shelf and slam the door closed behind me. Back in the living room, I sit on the couch and try to read. It turns out the book I grabbed is Frankenstein, one of my favorites. But I can’t focus. The words swim in front of me as fat tears leak down my cheeks.
All my life, I’ve avoided getting too close. Years of bullying taught me that people are mean and you can’t trust anybody not to hurt you. But I lowered my guard with Duke. I opened up to him and showed him parts of me that nobody has ever seen before—physical and emotional. He seemed to understand me. And now, as I sit alone in his big cabin, I wonder if I got it all wrong.
Duke never promised me anything. He didn’t promise me his heart—just a bookcase. Was I stupid for expecting something more?
Yes, the nagging voice inside my head says.
You’re not the kind of girl men fall in love with, Ariana.
You’re the girl who gets laughed at. Bullied. Ridiculed.
The girl who gets asked to prom as a joke.
Suddenly, it feels like I’m back in eighth grade, listening to Ethan Caldwell’s laughter as it echoes around the hallway. And all I want to do is hide. Go home to my tiny apartment, escape into a book, and shut the real world out once more.
Anything to numb the ache in my chest.
“Thank you,” I say, trying to muster a smile.
We’re back in my apartment, and my finished bookcase is set against the wall of my bedroom. It’s a gorgeous dark brown, thick and solid, built to last. Duke did a beautiful job, and if my heart wasn’t crumbling right now, I’d be thrilled with the finished product.
“Glad you like it.”
Duke’s hands are buried deep in his pockets, and his frown deepens the scar between his eyebrows. We barely spoke back at his cabin. He was silent as he loaded the bookcase into the bed of his pickup, as if we didn’t make love beneath the stars in the very same place just twelve hours ago. Now, Duke is looking everywhere but me, and for a moment, my sadness disappears, replaced with a flash of anger.
I want to lift up my hands and grab his face, forcing him to look at me. I want to ask him what the heck is going on.
What’s happening? What changed? Why are you acting like this?!
But the truth is, I can’t bear to hear the answer, in case he looks right into my eyes and tells me he doesn’t want me—that this was all a mistake. I’m not brave enough to hear him say that. So I stay quiet.
“I better get going,” Duke says, fiddling with the bandage on his thumb.
I press my lips together and nod, my heart squeezing. “Okay. Thanks again for the bookcase.”
“You’re welcome, Ariana.”
The sound of my name in his gravelly voice makes my eyes sting, but I won’t let myself cry in front of him. Instead, I turn my back on him and head for the front door, opening it so he can leave. He ducks his head and crosses the threshold.
“See you later,” I say, even though I’m not sure I will. This all feels like a goodbye. A book slammed closed before we’ve even finished the first chapter.
Duke doesn’t reply, and I start to close the door when suddenly, his hand shoots out, his palm against the wood. He forces the door open again and ducks back inside my apartment, making a frustrated sound deep in his throat. Finally, he’s looking at me. His blue eyes are burning with emotion, making my pulse race.
What the heck is going on?
“I can’t do this,” Duke says.
Oh, God. I didn’t want to have to hear this. He’s going to tell me all the reasons he doesn’t want me. All the reasons we can never be together.
“I can’t leave you,” he continues, jaw clenched. “I can’t do it.”
My head spins. It’s not what I was expecting him to say, and I stare at him bewilderedly. “What are you talking about?”
“You deserve better than me, princess.” He shakes his head, eyes turning bloodshot. “I’m not good for you. I’m too old, too big, too ugly. People look at me like I’m a fucking brute, and hell, maybe I am.” After a morning of silence, his words are now streaming from him like water. “But worst of all, I’m a selfish asshole. Because I know you deserve more, and yet I can’t let you go.” He sucks in a deep breath. “I can’t do it, Ariana.”
Blood pounds in my ears as I stare up at him, my jaw hanging open. “I-I don’t understand. A minute ago you couldn’t even look at me, and now you’re saying you can’t let me go?”
He flinches, shame weighing on his face. “I’m sorry. Fuck, I know I messed things up. I thought that if I stopped all this now, you’d be better off.”
