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The thought sent ice tumbling through her, chilling her bones.
“No,” he said grimly. “You shouldn’t.” He walked into the bathroom where she heard water begin to run.
So arrogant. And yet he was trying to be supportive in his way. He didn’t know, though. He didn’t know why she was so angry with herself.
Tell him.
Then what? What if he looked at her with the same contempt Humbolt had shown? With the same contempt she felt for herself? She couldn’t take that. She really couldn’t.
He walked into the closet so she went into the bathroom where she hung her kimono and stepped into the shower.
By the time she came out, he was gone.
CHAPTER FIVE
“MOLLY. THANK YOU for coming.” Sasha used the lofty tone her mother would use when welcoming a decorator or some other contracted person into her home. She let her into the stateroom, then glanced up and down the empty corridor before closing the door.
When she faced Molly, she found her old friend turning a slow circle in the middle of the lounge. The suite was enormous, with a bookshelf as a partition between the parlor and the bedroom, then a private deck in the bow.
Molly’s brunette hair was in a tidy bun, her pantsuit off-the-rack. She was still a bit of a country girl with her eyes agog and her jaw slack, but she was also Molly, so her heart was on full display.
“I am so sorry.” Her expression crumpled into anxiety as she faced Sasha. “I had no idea you were Alexandra Zamos. I wouldn’t have come. I certainly wouldn’t have shown up on the lido deck! I won’t say a word, Sash.” Her voice was barely above a whisper. “I swear.”
Sit down. Let’s eat. That’s what Sasha had planned to say to her, before she asked Molly how much money she wanted to keep her trap shut.
Instead, she found herself rushing forward and throwing her arms around her.
Molly released a small “eep” of surprise before she hugged her back. They were no longer adolescent girls. It made their hug unfamiliar yet still a homecoming. The acceptance in it was water on Sasha’s parched soul.
“It’s so good to see you,” Molly said.
It’s good to see you, too.
That’s what Sasha wanted to say, but she was starting to cry.
How embarrassing. She hadn’t fallen apart like that in years. Maybe ever.
Oh, she cried every time she got her period, but with anger, cutting short her pity party as quickly as she could, then swiping away her tears with resentment.
This had been a release of emotions she had bottled the day she’d walked away from Molly’s home in New Jersey. From her baby and the only other two people in this world she loved with all her heart.
Sasha washed her face and came out with a cold facecloth that she continued to dab against her eyes, hoping to reduce the swelling and redness before Rafael returned.
“Sit. Eat. Please,” she said with an impatient wave toward the table when she saw Molly was still hovering. “How’s your mom?”
“Good. We’re all good.” Molly sat, but her eyes were red from shared tears and she pressed a tissue beneath her nose before looking at Sasha with an earnest expression that searched hers while shining with expectation of some kind. “Libby is wonderful, Sash. She’s so smart and funny. Sometimes she asks about y—”
“Don’t,” she choked, feeling as though she’d been stabbed in the chest. “I can’t hear about her, Molly. I can’t.” Especially now, when she knew Libby was the only baby she was likely to ever carry.
Such longing gripped her, she could barely breathe. Tears rose hotly in her eyes again.
In an attempt to regain her composure, she sat to pour their coffee, thinking her mother was good for something, having taught her to ignore difficult displays of emotion and pretend all was well.
She had to explain, though. “Rafael doesn’t know. I’ve never told anyone. It has to stay that way.”
Molly’s silence was thick with hurt. When she spoke, however, her voice was stiff with indignation. “I understand and respect that, but I won’t pretend my sister doesn’t exist.”
And that right there, that mixture of compassion for her, with fierce pride and defense of the child she called her sister, told Sasha she had made the right decision leaving her baby with Patty and Molly.
