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“Way better than okay.”
Chapter fifty-three
A blanket of silence covers the room. So many things unsaid.
I love you. That’s been said. A lot.
Denver. I have to go back to Denver. I want to go back to Denver. That is my home. Rowan is there now. My team is there. They are my family and I love them. But these two men. I love them too. We all have the means to jet set around, living in the same city is not essential. But not living in the same city is also not ideal.
Rowan suggested we need some time on my turf.
I can’t do what I did last season, bouncing between cities during the season. It took a mental and physical toll on me I’m not willing to repeat.
And Nandy. His family is in Chicago. His life is here. Fynn…the club. They can’t leave Chicago. I would never ask them to.
What do we do? Summers here, All-Star breaks…is that enough. Enough to sustain what is already the challenge created by the number three. Try it out for a season in Denver and then reassess?
It isn’t enough. I know deep down it isn’t enough for me. I may have been anti-relationship, anti-marriage, anti-everything until Nandy. Until Fynn. I want to wake up in their arms every morning. I want to go to sleep sated with our legs tangled in such a knot it can never be undone. Is that selfish of me? Will they resent me if I ask them to make Denver home base instead of Chicago.
“I don’t have an answer,” Nandy says.
I raise my eyebrows. Did I say any of that out loud.
“Those questions in your head. Those hard, hard questions swirling around in your head…I don’t have an answer.”
“Apparently neither do I.”
“Really?” Fynn says. “It’s simple.”
Nandy and I both gawk at him.
“If you don’t have an answer then you aren’t asking the right question.”
I blink. Fynn looks between the two of us. “Ask the question you really want to ask. The one that scares you the most.”
I swallow and take a deep breath. Why does this scare me? Is it the no or the yes that scares me the most?
“I can’t….I don’t know how to make this work. I don’t want to leave Denver. I can’t leave Denver. And Chicago….well, that’s home for both of you…so, it’s not really fair of me.”
“What isn’t fair,” Fynn pushes.
I exhale again.
“How do I get you two to come to Denver?”
“Just ask.” Fynn says. “Just ask us to come.”
Fynn makes it seem so simple. Nandy’s expression tells me otherwise. Fynn makes everything simple, clear. The whole world is simple and clear when I look at him. When I look into those green eyes of his. When he touches me. When those lips are wrapped around my cock. When those lips are pressed against mine. Those soft puffy pillows of his, swollen from one of his mind-blowing blow jobs or minutes, hours of just kissing, fuck, kissing him is…it’s what I’ve come to live for.
“It isn’t that simple,” my eyes are on Nandy now. He’s the director. And we like it that way. “Is it?”
“Make it that simple,” Fynn says sharply drawing my eyes back to him. He let me remove his makeup last night and I love it. I love his smooth creamy skin and warm green eyes. His dark lashes are so thick and long even without extensions or mascara. His focus is still laser-locked on me. He isn’t wavering. But he has put the ball in my court, and he will not make a move until I do.
“What about the club, your parents…” I flounder.
“Ask the damn question,” he snaps “Or is it that you are afraid we might actually say yes.”
I quirk my lips a bit and Fynn laughs. “Ah…”
