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“Nope. These are your accounts.”
He nods and pulls out his phone. “Do you have plans for tonight?”
I laugh and glance at him. “Uh, no.”
He smiles and puts his phone down.
“Good, we’re going to the baseball game.”
I nearly wreck the SUV.
“You and me in the cheap seats and maybe you can sneak me a beer.”
“I think that may be the best idea I’ve ever heard.”
Chapter forty-four
My entire body reacts to the Chicago skyline coming into view.
“Is this going to be hard for you?”
I look at Rowan. “Well, we play here twice a year. We even have a pre-season game here this season.” Guess the Universe isn’t done fucking with me yet. “So, guess I’d better be able to suck it up, right?”
Three-quarters of a million in stocks in this account and $100,000 in cash.
I can’t hide the grin.
“What?” Rowan asks.
“Your mom was very shrewd. I have to admit I’m impressed. It took a lot of guts to orchestrate all this while fighting cancer and being married to an asshole and still raise you.”
“I’m impressed too…. and maybe slightly horrified at her ability to keep secrets.”
I laugh.
“I guess I’m buying dinner,” Rowan quips.
“Damn right you are.”
We toast his mom and have a relaxed evening. The pain of losing her giving way to smiling about the good times. He is shedding the trauma of being our father’s son. It’s going to take more than I can offer to shed that. I see no signs yet of the anxiety I fight every day. Doesn’t mean it isn’t there in another form.
If I finally seek therapy, he probably will too and maybe he will never have to struggle the way I have. He’s stupidly rich now, even without my help. He has the world at his disposal. What a great feeling that must be.
But I do now too, don’t I? I turn 30 soon. I’m still at the prime of my career. And what will a season of not having to speak to my father at all be like? I can start over too.
“Do you miss him?”
Which him, I think. I know he means Nandy. But Nandy isn’t the only one I yearn for when I close my eyes. My brother is still coming to grips with the fact that I am bisexual and how that has allowed him to ponder his own sexuality. So telling him I’m actually in love with two men. If they were willing…we’d be a throuple. But Nandy didn’t embrace that idea the way I expected him to. And as much as I tell myself I’ve let go of every possibility of being with either of them, my heart still dreams.
I nod. “Yeah, I do.”
“Did you love him?”
I nod again.
“Did you tell him?”
God, that seems a lifetime ago. And honestly, it’s one of the last times we had a normal conversation. When he was still my Nandy.
