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“You look good, Mom,” I say, holding her tight.
She smiles. “Thank you.” She looks up at me and takes my face in her hands. She knows about my slip. I would have preferred to be the one to tell her, but that’s okay. “So do you.”
I chuckle because I am still wearing the after-effects of my hangover. She’s a mom, she doesn’t miss anything. While the you-look-good thing is often said without true meaning behind it, I look at this woman who essentially raised me, who has never treated me like a stepchild and who was the rock for all of us while my dad battled cancer. She truly looks so beautiful. My dad’s illness had taken a huge toll on her. On all of us.
Watching someone you care about die a slow, excruciatingly painful death isn’t something I’d wish on anyone.
I glance at Brady. It’s happened to him twice. First Casey, then our dad. Then with Devyn’s accident, her recovery so uncertain for several days. Neither Mom nor Brady takes any moment for granted anymore. They both found peace in the pain that vanished with those passings.
Maybe I have finally found that peace, too. I look at Davey chatting with Devyn, then he looks my way and smiles.
“I am good, despite yesterday. I am good.”
Mom follows my eyes to Davey. She takes my hands and squeezes, forcing my attention back to her. “I know the past is the past, but,” she pauses. “Is being with him…is that…”
“Mom, that isn’t why I slipped. I drank because I’m happy. I drank to celebrate not feeling the need to chase the demons away. I thought maybe I could do that,” I shrug. “I can’t. And that’s okay too. We, Davey and me, talked about that. We’ve talked about a lot of things. We’re going into this eyes wide open.”
She smiles and strokes her tiny hands across my face again. “I’m very proud of you.”
I feel the blush hit my cheeks.
“The Captain would have been too.”
I take a deep breath. For the first time in a long time, I actually think about my actions and what he would think. And I think she’s right. I screwed up, but I owned it instantly, identified the reason behind it and set about to fix it. That was like him. Make mistakes. You have to. But learn from them.
She takes my hands again. “I need to talk to you and your brother about something.”
“Ah, here we go, and you actually had me thinking you were just here for a casual visit.” I say. I kiss the top of her head and she pulls me out to the firepit where Brady and Levi are sitting. Still holding my hand, she looks at me and then at Brady.
My heart starts pounding. I look at Brady and I can tell our heads have gone to the same place. Fuck. But she looks so good and so healthy. We’ve all finally settled into a happy place. I can’t go through this again.
“I want to sell the lake house.”
I exhale, my eyes still locked on Brady’s as his brow furrows and we both turn to her.
“What?”
“I want to sell the lake house and I’m thinking of leaving Minnesota altogether, but I wanted to—”
I exhale again and yank her into my chest, holding tight. “Oh, thank God.”
She wriggles away and looks up at me and then Brady in confusion.
“Never scare the crap out of us like that again,” I say.
“What do you mean?” she looks from me to Brady and back again.
“I thought you were sick,” he says.
Her jaw drops and her face fills with shock followed by sorrow. “Oh God, I didn’t even consider…”
“You looked so damn serious,” I say. My heart rate is taking its sweet time returning to normal. I take another really deep breath and consider what she had said.
“Phew, okay, let’s start over. You want to sell the house?” I ask.
She nods and looks at us both again.
“Of course, you can sell the house. You don’t need our permission for that.” I look at Brady, wondering if he feels differently. He nods in agreement.
