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How will I know where to go?????
Room 4502. One hour.
Okay!
I placed my cellphone back into my pocket and remembered what he said about fucking me. Any past lovers I had were never vulgar, but Callum was. He loved talking dirty to me, and I ate it up. My mind often tried reminding me he wasn’t real and that what we had was nothing, but my body and most importantly, my heart, had other things to say about it. The way I responded to him, so wantonly and out of character from the previous me, had all to do with the fact that I was madly in love with the man. Most women craved those warm, fuzzy feelings they got from love, but I didn’t. It filled me with shame until he’d touch me, then everything would be ignored until I was alone once more.
I needed something to drink so when a waiter came by with a tray of champagne, I grabbed a flute and quickly downed it. I wouldn’t drink more than two because I didn’t want to be intoxicated. I was very much a lightweight when it came to alcohol, so anything more than a margarita and I would be done in for. Nights like tonight didn’t come around often, and the very chance to see him outside of my place called for restraint. I didn’t need liquor to make me feel drunk. The multiple orgasms he would give me would do that on their own.
I swapped out my empty glass for a full one, then pushed off the wall. I entered the crowd of partygoers and stopped when I saw one of the event organizers. I smiled as he stepped closer to me. “Good Evening, Miss Courtland. May I take your coat?”
“Thank you.” I pulled it off of me and handed it to him, then watched as he brought it to the back area which had been made into a makeshift coat closet for the guests.
I then looked down at my glass of champagne and was about to set it to the side when I caught Callum out of the corner of my eye. He was dancing with a woman, and one whose face I recognized, but couldn’t quite place. I stood there silently and prayed for the floor to open and swallow me whole, especially when I realized I was stuck in place. Rooted to that spot, I watched her lean in and whisper something to him, and how he threw his head back in laughter. Tears stung my eyelids and I closed my eyes to ward them off, as well as to erase the sight taking place right in front of my eyes.
I didn’t know how long I stood there, but when I reopened them, both Callum and the woman were gone. I remembered the champagne and downing this glass much like the first one, I then set it on a passing tray and rushed to the powder room. Once inside, I found an empty stall and quickly barricaded myself inside.
All I could see was that woman with my Callum, only he wasn’t mine. He would never be mine. Maybe hers, but never mine. She got to dance with him out in the open, while I was relegated to secret hookups in hotel rooms afterward.
Would Callum actually stay with me tonight? Or would he make an excuse and come back down here to take his date home?
I turned at that moment because I became violently ill. The images and scenarios playing in my head had me heaving out nothing because I’d been too nervous to eat today at all. I managed to throw up the champagne I had ingested before I left the stall. No one had been in here the entire time I was, so I hurried to the sink and tried to rinse my mouth out with cold water. It did little to help, so I spent the next several minutes just hiding in the corner.
Once or twice, another woman or two would come in, but they thought nothing of me standing there as I pretended to either be touching up my hair, or washing my hands. I spent what had to have been about a half hour or more inside before returning to the party. I didn’t want to stay any longer, so I went immediately for my coat.
I slipped into it and grabbed my cell phone before exiting the area. I’d gotten all the way out to the lobby when my phone vibrated in my hand. I looked down at the message.
I’ll be upstairs in a few minutes.
Just great. I’d hoped to slip out and go home, but he’d seen me after all. It shouldn’t have surprised me because he often noticed me even when I had no idea he was around. He’d talk about what I was wearing, or who I was walking to class with, yet I hadn’t even detected his presence. With my new plan foiled, I walked toward the elevator knowing I would revert back to my original one after all. More shame filled me, the heaviness creeping up on me like a vine, and if I wasn’t careful, it would suffocate me completely.
I made it to the room and when I took two steps inside, my feet turned to cement and I couldn’t move. I stayed that way for a few seconds before finally releasing everything in a hurried breath. This was a crossroads for us and our relationship. There was no need to lament over which road to take either because there was only one right option. There had always only been one right one.
I knew what I had to do. I regained my composure, and after removing my jacket, I walked to the window. The city was abuzz with people, even at this time of night, and the lights on the buildings glistened in the darkly lit sky. I loved these downtown views which were so different from mine.
A few tears started to creep slowly down my cheeks as I waited for him. Tonight, I had to end things with Callum, but not before I experienced the most pleasure I’d ever known for a final time. I needed something to look back on during what I knew would be many lonely nights ahead. As the moisture dried up on my face, I schooled my features into an impassible mask.
CALLUM
Nicole was so goddamned beautiful, and I’d barely been able to keep my eyes off of her. Each time I caught her in my peripheral, she seemed so unhappy, though. Regret over asking her to attend filled me somewhat. While I didn’t mind going to her place, I’d wanted to see her dressed up like I had in the many pictures I’d obtained of her in Los Angeles. I’d researched her father thoroughly, and in doing so, I’d found a slew of photographs of her with him. Some were from when she was a young girl, but most were from her as a woman.
She looked a lot like her mother. They had the same dark hair and svelte frame. They were of equal height, but she had her father’s eyes. I loved everything about Nicole, yet I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. Fate was a wicked witch, leading me to her when I’d never even tried to build something with someone else. A few nights of multiple orgasms were all I could offer a woman, but it’d been different with her. In the beginning, it had been my intention, but things changed, and I didn’t know when or how. All I did know was that I needed her, and in a way I’d never needed anyone before.
It should have been enough for me to let her go, but I couldn’t. When not with her, I obsessed compulsively over her. I wanted to be near her... inside her... at all times, and my desire for her had gotten so strong that I often found myself fantasizing about her even when teaching other classes.
If only I could make some grand romantic gesture for her like Gatsby did for Daisy. Since I couldn’t throw her a glamorous party like he had, I did the next best thing which was to invite her to one. Now, she appeared sadder than I’d ever seen her before.
I sent her a few text messages and let her know what I intended to do to her once we were alone. She loved when I talked bluntly to her, the dirty talk something she’d begged for on our first night together in Chicago. Her spirits didn’t improve much so after I’d danced with Harper Grimes, I told Nicole that I would be upstairs soon. Now, I needed to lose the other Titans, so I could leave and not be missed. I looked over at Daxon Faulkner, and I decided he’d be the easiest to talk to. I walked over to my dark-haired friend who’d just finished talking to a trio of women.
“Hey, Dax.”
He turned around and grinned. “When this party is over, I’m going to head out with those three. Do you want to join us?”
Back in the day, I would’ve jumped at the offer, but not tonight when I had something much better waiting for me upstairs. “I’ll take a raincheck. I actually need to leave. Will you let the others know I’ve left?”
“Sure, but is there something wrong? You’ve not been yourself for weeks. I thought at first that—”
“That I what?”
