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I tried my best to stay in the moment, but my mind kept returning to Nicole. Had this been how my father had felt after finding out that my mother had potentially gotten pregnant by another man? I knew the circumstances were completely different, but they’d shattered the illusion about what it meant to be happy in love. I loved to spend time with Nicole, especially when the two of us were in bed together, but would I ever completely trust her? I never had really trusted another woman in my life before, and seeing her with Travis made it unlikely that she would end up being any different. When I left, I forced myself to not call or reach out to her out of spite. Or maybe, just maybe, it was out of something else.
NICOLE
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA
I was still hurt that Callum seemed to close himself off to me once again. I‘d tried to go to the movies with Travis, but I ended up leaving while still standing in line for tickets. The hurt on my friend’s face as I quickly came up with a lame lie then fled, stayed with me even on my way back home to California. It was fall break, and staying in Chicago was the last thing I wanted to do.
I’d originally thought I might be lonely in the city but after only a few days there, I’d reunited with Callum. Since that day, I’d never been made to feel alone. He was all-encompassing, so time seemed to stand still whenever I was with him. When we would part, the truth would bitch slap me back to reality, much as it was now.
I still didn’t understand why Callum acted the way he had. He knew I had planned to return to California for a few days to see my mother, and I had thought he would spend some time with me before I left town for a few days. I was quickly proven wrong when he’d canceled our plans without a single reason why. Granted, my using Travis to make him jealous hadn’t been my finest moment, but thankfully I realized how wrong it was to accept his invitation before we ever made it into the theater. I’d gone straight home, and once there, I tried to message and call Callum, but he ignored those.
Now, I was in my brother’s car and so unlike myself that he noticed. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you so quiet other than the time you had your tonsils removed, Nic. What gives?”
“What are you talking about?” I turned to face my brother, who didn’t initially verbally respond and only gave me a shrug instead. I turned back to the window, and while he noticed some differences in me, I could sense he was no longer the same, either. Only, I think his were for different reasons than mine. “Do you come home often?”
Nicolai and I had always been extremely close to our parents. While he was in-state at college, I was thousands of miles away. I could very easily catch a four-hour flight back to Cali whenever I wanted, but it wasn’t the same. There was nothing more that I hated than sitting in crowded airports awaiting flights. My father and uncle shared a few private planes between them, but I rarely ever asked either to use them on me. They were for business use, so I kept my personal asks to a minimum.
“I don’t,” my brother told me, his voice jolting me back to the present.
“Why not?” If I was as close as him, I would be here all the time. When I realized that, it became clear as to why my mother wanted me in Chicago.
“She’s struggling, Nic. Dad is, too. I talk to them, and I know they’re hiding something from me, so I can only surmise that she is getting worse.”
Tears sprang to my eyes at the possibility that he was right, and the notion alone threatened to prick my closed eyelids. It was just as I expected, and it was moments like this when I cursed my mother’s strong-willed pride. “I don’t know why she’s doing this to us.”
“It’s not our place to pass judgment,” is all he said before pulling up to the gated entrance of our family home.
I wanted to rail at him for being so nonchalant about the whole thing, but I knew somewhere deep inside of me that he was right. Our mother didn’t want us around to see her health decline, which was her choice. Was it the one I would’ve made? No, but it was hers to make, and not mine to judge. Nicolai pulled into the driveway once the gates opened, and I reopened my eyes to look over at him.
“God, I hate when you’re right.”
He smirked, then tousled my hair. “I’m always right, brat.”
It was all he said before parking the car. Soon, the two of us were inside and I headed down the hallway to my parent’s bedroom. Dominga had told me that my mother was asleep, but I wanted to sit with her like she used to do with me when I was younger. I knocked lightly at her door just in case she was awake, but when I heard no sound, I entered.
Careful to stay quiet, that best-laid plan was almost shot to hell when I looked over at her in the bed and gasped. I had to slam my hand over my mouth to hide my loud voice. Isabella Courtland was the most beautiful woman I had ever known, and I had never seen her in this state. I knew many patients lost their hair during chemotherapy, but she had worn a wig every time I had come home since she started treatment. Now, she was fast asleep, and seeing her without any hair was jarring to me.
I swallowed back an additional sob, then removed my hand from my mouth. There was a chair not far from the bed, so I quietly tried to move it over but when I got within a few feet of her, she opened her eyes. Surprise filled the blue depths, then shame.
“W-what time is it? I wasn’t expecting you for another few...” her voice trailed off as she scrambled upright, then frantically began feeling around for something. Realizing what it was, I quickly grabbed the wig of long, dark hair and handed it to her.
“It’s just after noon time, Mama.”
There was still confusion in her eyes, but I ignored it when she reached out for me. Crawling into bed with her, she pulled me into her arms. I noticed that she had become even more frail than she’d been on my last visit, and once again, I had to remind myself to school my features. She held me for several minutes, before lightly pushing me away.
“I need to prepare myself, baby. Do your Mama a favor and give me a few more hours to rest and get ready. Can you do that?”
I had just arrived and she was already trying to get rid of me. It wasn’t the same way Callum had most recently done so, and at least with my mother, I knew her motivation. I wanted to stay in her arms where I could forget my own troubles, but my wants didn’t trump her needs, so I slowly pulled away.
“I’ll go and do a little shopping, but I’m just a phone call away if you need me.”
The last thing I wanted to do was walk around a shopping mall, but I knew it made her happy to think I was out living my life like I had before her diagnosis. She would be so disappointed to know how closed up I have kept myself, even in Chicago, unless I was with him.
Men. Callum. I didn’t want to think of either, so I flashed her a watery smile and left the room. Unlike the private jets, I did have full use of any vehicle I wanted, so I grabbed the keys to my father’s Porsche and headed to Beverly Hills. I would do a little shopping while there, so it didn’t look like a lie to my mother, but that was all I planned to do.
An hour later, I was sitting at one of the small cafes watching the throngs of people bustling by. I often did this same thing when in Chicago, although I could blend in with them there where I couldn’t quite do the same here. Not even ten minutes had passed when the paparazzi noticed me. Normally, I hated when celebrities showed up while I was eating, but today I was hoping for anyone who would take the attention off of me. It must’ve been a slow day because I had looked up more than once to find others staring.
I dropped my head and pretended to study the menu, even though I already knew what I wanted. This small establishment was a landmark in North Hollywood. “I should’ve gone to Santa Monica,” I mumbled under my breath as a shadow covered me. When I raised my head intending to get rid of whoever it was that decided to bother me, my eyes connected with a familiar pair and I smiled instead. “Hey, you! I didn’t know you were going to be here, too.”
