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I wanted to tell her she was wrong, but she had a point. I grunted momentarily, then spoke. “The linen closet is stocked in the ensuite, but if you need anything else, let me know. I’m headed off to bed. Good night, Harper.”
HARPER
I flipped off his retreating form and as soon as he disappeared down the hallway and moved out of sight, I hurried to the door and closed it. From there, I leaned heavily against it and allowed the first tear to fall. It was quickly followed by another and another until both cheeks were streaked with them.
None of this was going according to plan at all, and I’d been to foolish to think it would. If only all flights in and out of the city hadn’t been cancelled, I would’ve taken one anywhere just to leave.
I had spent more than half the nest egg I now had for my California relocation, and for what? I had noble intentions to come down here and warn him that something could be amiss, but he wouldn’t even hear me out.
His justified hatred for me wouldn’t let him even humor me for a few minutes. As much as I wanted to leave and just fend for myself outside on the streets for the night, there was a blizzard arriving and I couldn’t just leave Gabriel’s life to fate.
He was the most infuriating man I knew. I never remembered him being so confrontational before, but then again, we had been so in love back then. Now, any feelings I harbored for him were one-sided and I had no one else but myself to blame. My own shame and fear had pushed him away, and it would be an uphill fight just to coexist with him.
“I’m going to get through to you if it’s the last thing I do,” I swore as I pushed away from the door. The only question now was how.
I looked at the room and it was quite nice, even if a bit sterile. Everything was white from the walls to the molding, and even the brick accent wall had been painted over. The bed was the same color as the crown molding, and the blankets and pillows matched.
The place was screaming for some color. If this had been our place together, I would’ve brought the brick back to its natural color, thrown some paint on the wall, and accessorized the white furniture and bedding with pops of color to match the drapes.
It was really surprising that his mother hadn’t mentioned updating the space, especially if she had seen it before she’d died. I had no idea when he moved into this place or anything else about him.
The only things I knew were stuff the headlines mentioned, but most of the time, those things weren’t accurate anyway. Despite that, I knew high society in Chicago ate that sort of thing up. The Titans were everything in the city, and had been well before he was born, and would be well after he died.
His death. It was something I couldn’t even fathom. While it was entirely possible that everything that happened was nothing more than some sick coincidence, the nagging feeling inside of me wouldn’t let me believe that.
The money trail... the timing... Everything was way too convenient to not be connected.
Jackson had even thought so himself, and he had urged me to follow through with this. If I was wrong, what harm would it do. Gabriel would be more vigilant which might extend his life longer anyway. Chicago was known for more than its sports, lake, skyline, and pizza. It was also a well documented hotbed of crime.
“I just don’t know,” I said aloud as I sat down on the edge of the bed.
I reached down and untied the laces on my sneakers, then kicked them off to the side. I also removed my hoodie before staring blankly at the wall. Being stuck with Gabriel should’ve been another incident of good luck, but it felt like the opposite.
“Gabriel is sometimes complicated, sweetie,” his mother once told me.
I closed my eyes and pictured that summer day when we’d been in the Hamptons. It was the Fourth of July and our families were at the Archer estate for Doreen Archer’s annual holiday bash. It was the social event of the season in that corner of the island and all of us kids were playing different things throughout the palatial estate.
Gabriel was with Caspian, Colin, and Cliff, all of whom were older than us. I wanted to join them so badly, but none of the others wanted me around. I thought Gabe did, but he pushed me down onto the grass that day and his words had cut me to my young core.
“No one wants to play with a dumb girl, especially me.”
He then ran off leaving me on my ass. It felt a lot like it did now. He put me in my place, or what he thought was it, then disappeared to be rid of me.
I’d gotten up and ran back to the house, my eyes full of tears when I’d arrived there. My mother was sitting with his, and Ashley had taken me aside once she heard what happened.
“Just because he doesn’t want to play with you right now, it doesn’t mean he loves you any less.”
I wiped at my face now as I had done then. On that day, I told her I understood, then went to find one of my dolls, knowing everything would be okay.
Things had changed, even when they remained the same. Gabriel wasn’t posturing in front of the other kids. He was honestly disgusted with me, and all because he believed I had cheated on him. While that might’ve been true, it had never been willingly.
After the first night I had been violated, I curled up into a ball and prayed for this to be all a bad dream. I had betrayed Gabriel. It was crazy to think that now knowing what I did, but for a naïve sixteen year old, rape wasn’t something I had ever known before. If it happened in our world, I had certainly never heard about it, and my attacker was so much bigger than me.
He was pure evil, and still was to this day. If anyone deserved to die, it was him. As those instances continued, I’d begged him to stop, even promising to never tell a soul what he’d done to me. The violence perpetrated upon me turned from more sexual to physical, and things like those pictures were made. They were supposed to scare me to stay silent, and they did.
Gabriel had tried night after night to find out what was bothering me. I couldn’t be that same girl he knew because she was gone. I wasn’t the girl full of life who never stopped smiling. I was left empty and hollow with the ability to do nothing more than cry over what had become of me until even the tears stopped and I just accepted my fate. I stopped fighting and let what would be, be. Maybe I should do the same now.
“No,” I said as soon as I stood up.
