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We started to plan things out a little prematurely and it made us both nervous again, but the more we talked and laughed about how we would be as someone’s parents, the more we settled into the thought of becoming parents.
“I can’t even imagine you as a dad,” she laughed. “Then again, you’re like a big kid yourself sometimes, so our kid might love you more than they love me.”
“Hopefully it’s a boy. I’m not ready to get my fingernails painted and wear a tutu just to keep my daughter happy,” I laughed. “Either way, I'll be happy with whatever you bake in there. I know we’ll be great parents. Even if it means figuring things out along the way.”
We broke the news to uncle Joe first. Then Trent, when he called. He was so ecstatic to become an uncle, he broke down into tears over the phone. I was happier for him more than anything, because it gave him something more to look forward to when he came home.
“You finally did it,” he said. “I always knew it would happen, I just didn’t know when. I guess marriage is next then, huh?”
Both Mia and I grew quiet after his question. I had always planned to ask her someday, but when Trent mentioned it, it was the first time I felt super inclined to make the decision of when.
Chapter Thirty ~ Mia
I couldn’t believe I was pregnant. After talking it through with Brayden, the reality set in the most when I was alone and had time to process my emotions. I was afraid to have children. I never wanted children. I knew how much responsibility taking care of them was and it made me nervous to think of having to do it all over again for eighteen years.
The day after my test, I went to my mom's place to tell her the news. I wasn’t sure what to expect from her, or what I actually wanted her to say. I guess I just wanted her support; for her to tell me things weren’t going to be so bad. I also thought it would be a great way for us to start building our bond again.
“You’re having a baby?”
Her eyes widened with disbelief when I told her. She looked happy and shocked all at once. The smile on her face was soft and welcoming. To be honest, I felt a little jealous because I couldn’t remember her ever smiling in such a way at me.
“I’m going to be a grandma,” she said. “That’s amazing, Mia.”
She seemed genuinely happy about my pregnancy. So much so, the fears I had when I first arrived had diminished and I became eager to see how my pregnancy played out. I still expressed those concerns to my mom, and she gave me the best advice she knew how to give.
“I wasn’t the greatest mom in the world,” she said, “and I can truly say that being a parent was a blessing I didn’t appreciate enough.”
She also said I'd be proud to know that she hadn’t touched a drink since the day of her release, and I was. I was very proud of her. Kicking a habit cold turkey was a hard thing to do but when I looked into her eyes that day, I saw that she was truly ready for change. Hearing about the baby strengthened her drive and courage to embrace it.
“Have you and Brayden made up yet?” she asked. “I take it he’s the father?”
“Yes,” I chuckled. “He is the father, and yes, we’ve made up. I told him about how scared I was to have a baby; he’s the one who talked me into being calm enough to drive over here and tell you.”
“Brayden is a good man,” Mom said. “He loves you and I know he’ll do right by you and your child. There’s no reason to be afraid when you have a man like him to have your back every step of the way.”
Her words made me tear up. I thought it was too early for the pregnancy hormones to kick in and make me overly emotional, so I got teary because of Brayden. I knew he loved me, and I knew he would do everything in his power to make life easier for me. I just had to let my guard down all the way and embrace the life we were creating.
“I’m proud of you, Mia.”
My heart thudded in my chest after my mom’s kind words. I was nervous because it was the first time in a very long time that I’d heard those words fall from her lips.
“I’ve been wanting to say that to you for a while now,” she said. “My addiction stopped me from doing a lot of things in life. Things I knew were right, but let my pride and ego get in the way of it all. You're a fantastic writer. A great sister, and daughter. You stepped up to the plate when I was preoccupied with my own life, and I've never thanked you for that. So, right here and now, I say thank you. Without you, this family might have fallen apart years ago.”
My mom went on and on to praise me and tell me how proud of me and all of my success she was. She even admitted to being jealous that her own writing career didn’t take off. That wasn’t something I cared to hear or needed validation from; all I cared about was her being sober and being my mom again.
Through my tears, my mom held me in her arms and told me how great of a mother I would be to my own child. I felt like a kid again; safe, loved, appreciated. I felt like through that small gesture, my mom had undone years of trauma, and we were both on our roads to recovery.
“All this crying I've done today makes me feel like I'm already in my second trimester or something.”
“Oh honey, if you’re anything like me, those tears will be flowing even after you’ve already had the baby,” Mom laughed. “I cried so much when I had you, I didn’t think I'd ever be able to cry again. That's how I knew you were a girl.”
Hearing stories about my mom’s pregnancies was refreshing for me. It gave me hope that I would have a great pregnancy with no complications. It also comforted my fears and doubts about motherhood. I was terrified of giving birth naturally, but Mom insisted I would be fine. And if I wasn’t, there were other ways to get the baby out.
“Your brother’s going to be so happy when you have this baby,” Mom said. “I’m surprised he didn’t already have one of his own.”
“I know right,” I smiled and lowered my head. “Speaking of Trent, I’ve been reaching out to lawyers to see what can be done about his case. We were finally allowed in for a visit when we went to Florida, maybe you and I can go down one weekend and see him now that you’re in a better place. I’m sure he’ll be happy about that.”
“I would love that,” Mom said. “I always said I never wanted to visit any of you behind bars, but it’s been far too long without seeing his face.”
