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“Shuan, it’s okay, tell me what happened,” Mia said. “Please, just tell me.”
Her voice soothed me like a newborn. It was the softest, most angelic thing I had ever heard. Her touch was gentle on my back and my cheek, making me feel safe and vulnerable. I don’t ever remember a time where I felt so safe.
“I’m tired of her shit!” I exclaimed. “She’s never going to change. The one person who’s supposed to love me and take care of me, she’s never done it! I wish I could disappear to a place where no one can find me!”
“It's okay,” she said. “It’s okay to be done. It's okay to be hurt. It's okay to be angry. Give yourself all the time you need until you feel like yourself again. There's more to life than running away. If you run away from the things that shape who you are instead of facing them, you’ll be running for a long time.”
I watched Mia’s heart break for me through her eyes and I realized how sweet of a soul she was. That was the night I fell in love with her. I thought if I can see how much she cares about me through her eyes, then this is the woman I want to marry.
Through all of my turmoil with my mom, not having my dad, and me running wild without a care in the world, Mia had always been in my corner. She always wanted the best of me and pushed me to be the best. Her and Uncle Joe both had a lot of love for me, but Mia’s was more nurturing. And that was what I craved in my life.
I thought so deeply about our relationship I didn’t realize I'd slipped into a trance on the couch with Mia sitting right next to me. Her voice trailed into focus when I snapped out of it but by then, it was too late. I didn’t hear a single word she said.
“Geeze, is my voice so boring you have to tune me out?”
“Not at all,” I laughed. “Sorry about that. I got lost in thought.”
“Lost in thought about what?”
I thought about not answering because I didn’t want to get my hopes up. But it was too late for that too. They were already up, and I was high off the thought of us giving our love one last try.
“About us,” I said. “Do you ever think about what life would be like if we were still together?”
“Shuan?” she blushed. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about us, Mia. Tell me you haven’t thought about us all these years?”
Her smile wavered on and off while her eyes searched the room for an answer. The answer was right in front of her. I was the answer. I needed her to look me in the eyes and tell me that I was the only one who felt what I felt, and it was the truth. But she couldn’t. Because it wasn’t the truth. She felt it too.
“You feel it too,” I said. “We can try to deny it and fight it all we want, but it’s there. And apparently, it isn’t going anywhere. Not until we deal with it.”
We sat in silence for a moment. There was a laundry list of things I wanted to say, but I waited for her to say something first. I felt like I said enough; my feelings were laid out on the table and if she had any questions about them, I was an open book.
“What, are you saying we should give us another try?” she asked. “Do you think one summer is enough time to mend all the things that broke us?”
I couldn’t read her tone. She sounded tense, but genuinely curious or hopeful. I was hopeful. To me, our fix was an easy fix because I knew that I was ready to get my shit together for her. However, I couldn’t just expect her to ignore her feelings to let me prove myself.
“I think we should try,” I said.
She stared into my eyes, and I stared into hers. I inched closer to her lips, hoping she wouldn’t pull away before I had a chance to kiss them. She didn’t pull away. My lips landed against hers and a jolt of electricity fired us both up.
“Again?” she whispered as I pulled her on top of me. “We’re really doing this again? I don’t think we should be doing this, Shuan.”
“Do you want me to stop?”
She continued kissing me, running her fingers through my hair like a madwoman. My hands trailed all over her skin; her breast, neck, back, and ass. I asked my question again between savage kisses, but she didn’t answer. Her answer was kissing me while ripping off her shirt.
“Do you think we can work?” she panted as she helped me pull down my pants.
“Do you?” I asked, removing my shirt. “I think we always worked. I'm different now.”
A seductive smile crossed her lips, and she leaned in for more kissing. Her tongue slithered in and out of my mouth like a snake, making me rise like a flagpole that was ready to hold its prize.
“Ok,” she said. “We’ll go slow. This isn’t a relationship right now; we’re seeing where things go.”
“Ok. That works for me.”
I was on cloud nine. It didn’t matter to me if we were in a relationship or not, as long as she rode me into oblivion and made my toes curl. She knew exactly how I liked it. Fast, slow, hard, rough. She liked it that way too. I had a bit more strength in my legs that night to put her in another position. And that was what I did.
