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“Trent was fighting with his girlfriend the night of the accident.” I said. “It was why he wanted to go out so bad. She was going to be at some bar with her friends, that’s what she said, and he wanted to go to make sure she didn’t talk to any other guys.”
My heart pounded in my chest as I retraced the steps of the worst night of my life.
“I told him to take some time off with her, cool down, and talk to her another time, but he was adamant. He even had a ring for her. I found it in the car when I went back to look at it one day. He knew I was angry about being out so late, so he kept trying to make me laugh and drink to lighten up. We started talking about our relationship. I told him that night would be the last night I took a ride with him for a while because I had plans of getting my shit together for my own relationship. When he started talking about marriage, something happened. It was like the air got so tense we both zoned out and the car started to spin out of control.”
I paused my story to give her a chance to digest it all. I thought she’d settle for it; let me end things there, but the look on her face told me she wasn’t satisfied.
“You see, that’s what I don’t understand,” she said. “What made the car spin out of control? There was no rain that night, no snow, nothing. Did someone jump out in front of the car?”
“You know how Trent likes to goof off,” I said nervously. “He jerked the wheel going for another beer and the next thing I know, we hit someone.”
My story wasn’t necessarily a lie, but there were some missing truths. I was the one driving. I was the one who spilled the beer and jerked the wheel and lost control of the car.
“I don’t know, Brayden,” she sighed. “I’ve thought about how this could have happened a million times and nothing makes sense to me. At this point, I'm over it. I'm done reliving this nightmare. I appreciate you for telling me your side of things but I still don’t believe that’s it. I mean, I don’t know, maybe it isn’t meant for me to understand. It isn’t like there’s anything I can do about it anyway, right? My brother's gone. I can’t help but to feel as if he had one more chance left in him, so excuse me if it’s so hard for me to believe what you’re saying, but I can’t. Not right now.”
I kept quiet as she walked away. She was flustered and confused. My pain and guilt had started to set in, and I was in no way prepared for a fight with her. So, I wheeled myself to my room and got ready to call it a night.
Before dragging myself to bed, I pulled out an old letter from Trent. I took it everywhere with me. It was the first letter I got from him after his sentencing. He seemed to be doing okay at the beginning of the letter, but by the end it was clear he was in shambles.
Trent reflected on his life over the years, telling me how empty he felt inside until we became best friends. He said I was like the brother he never had, because Nick was more like a son to him. He also said he didn’t blame me for where he was.
I blamed myself for Trent being in prison. Had I paid better attention to the road or listened to Mia; if I would have stood firm with him and told him no, he wouldn't have ended up in prison. There were so many different avenues I could have taken that night. None of which I did and for that, I was forced to slow down and get a grip on reality.
My reality was hell after Trent was gone. I couldn’t imagine how bad Mia felt. I knew she hurt every day, but I didn’t know how much. If I did know, I would have told her the truth about that night years ago.
I figured over the summer I would do my best to make it up to her. Nothing I said or did could have brought Trent home, but I at least wanted to smooth things over with her before she left. Mia was a best friend to me as well, once upon a time. She was more than that. She was the woman I fell in love with; someone I thought I would never live a day without.
Rereading Trent’s letter made me realize how much she meant to me. It made me realize that I had to stop running away from my problems and masking them with anger. After a certain point, I was no longer a victim. I was a man who had to stand up and go after what he wanted. Not just in my career, but in my love life too.
Brayden,
First things first, I'll start out by saying none of this is your fault. I know you’re going to blame yourself for this and I'm here to let you know, don’t. I made a stupid decision and unfortunately, my clock ran out. It was a wake up call or life’s way of telling me to slow down. Don't make the same mistakes I made in my life. Do better than me. And take care of Mia. She's going to need all the love and support she can get, and you know she loves you the most.
I read that part of Trent’s letter over and over and over again, until my head hurt, and I could no longer keep my eyes open. It was a wake up call. A reminder to slow down and be thankful for the life I had in front of me. Before it was too late.
Chapter Ten ~ Mia
The conversation I had with Brayden before bed went nowhere. He told me some things I already knew and held off on what I felt I didn’t know. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why he held back. I knew there was something else not being told to me, but I didn’t know what.
When I woke up the next day, I got dressed and left the cabin early. I didn’t want to run into him, I didn’t want to see his face, and I didn’t want him to try and swindle me with breakfast or something else sweet. I wanted nothing to do with him for the time being. Besides, I had bigger fish to fry anyway.
“Where’s mom?”
I found Nick and his girlfriend sitting in the kitchen of my mom's house. He was cooking what little there was left to make breakfast, while she played on her phone at the kitchen table.
“You’re in luck today,” he said. “She finally came home last night. She's in bed right now. I'm making breakfast so she can eat when she gets up. Do you want any?”
I thought his gesture was sweet. I remember the days I tried making a nice breakfast for my mom so that she could eat after days of being on one of her binges. I thought that if she saw how much I cared about her she’d stop, but it never worked.
“No, I'm good,” I said. “Since when did you become a chef?”
“Since I had to grow up and take care of myself,” he replied.
He had me stumped there. I was proud of Nick for learning how to fend for himself. It was a skill he needed more than a lot of kids his age. I needed it when I was his age and Trent certainly needed it before he was either of our age.
“Are you going to introduce me to your girl?” I asked. “How rude is that? I'm sorry, my name is Mia, and you are?”
“I walked past Nick and approached the pretty girl sitting at the table. She was bright and had a great smile. It looked like she had her head on straight too; just the kind of person Nick needed in his corner.
