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“This is why we can’t talk about it,” I scoffed. “The anger gets in the way. You're right, I do blame you. I know the blame is on both of you, but had you not gone out with him that night, Trent would have gone a different route. I begged you to stay home and you left anyway.”
The room grew quiet again. When Brayden looked like he wanted to say something back, he took one look into my eyes and his words faded away. So did he. Instead of sticking around to talk things through and get to the root of the problem, he wheeled himself off to his room in a rage.
“You see!” I spat. “This right here; this is why we get nowhere.”
I pushed myself away from the table and paced the room. Uncle Joe remained in his seat shaking his head, like he couldn't believe how far gone Brayden and I were. There was a point in our lives where he and I were inseparable. Things faded.
“The both of you need to hear each other out,” Uncle Joe said. “And Mia, you can’t place the blame on Brayden. Trent had seniority in the situation. This whole thing is a mess and I know you want to be angry at someone, but don’t let the anger consume the family. We've all been close for too many years to let it all go to waste over an accident.”
Uncle Joe’s words rang in my ears like a drum. I heard what he said loud and clear, but I didn’t want to accept it. I wasn’t ready to. The anger I felt for Brayden had held me over for so many years, I felt that if I let it go, I would finally have to grieve Trent.
“I know Brayden’s a piece of work.” Uncle Joe stood up and wrapped his arms around me. “He’s got a temper on him just like I used to. Underneath it all though, I know he still has love for you. You may not know it, but you changed Brayden in ways I never thought were possible. The life he’s had; just give him some time to see through the smoke and fires.”
Brayden’s temper reminded me of why our relationship fell apart. He had alpha male syndrome. I wanted a soft life after the many years of turmoil I survived, and he couldn’t understand that. That isn’t to say that Brayden wasn’t good to me; he was. He just couldn’t get over that hurdle.
I did love him though. I loved him enough to wait around for a change to come. I thought he’d get it together, kick his old habits to the curb and settle down to build a life with me. When I realized that I couldn’t be the only one wanting those things in our relationship, I had to make a decision. The accident helped me make my decision.
“What do you say, kid?” Uncle Joe asked. “I don’t want to pressure you into staying here if you don't want to. If it’s too unbearable, we can find you a nice room somewhere. I guess my days of being a matchmaker are shot, huh?”
Uncle Joe laughed and I laughed too. He was certainly no matchmaker. Though he did give me a few things to think about when it came to Brayden and me. I thought I could have been a little more patient and listened to his side of the story. I guess Brayden wasn’t the only one with a temper.
Chapter Nine ~ Brayden
I remember the night of the accident like it was yesterday. I was nagging at Trent for dragging me out of the house again when all I wanted to do was spend time with Mia. She was so annoyed that we were hanging out every night and she threatened to leave me. She and I fought hard that entire week and I told Trent that I'd do one last night out with him and then I was done. I was ready to settle down.
“Mia’s got you pussy whipped.” He laughed as I sped onto the busy streets of the city. “I thought you were my best friend, not hers.”
“You sound like a hater,” I joked. “You’re my best friend, Mia’s my girlfriend. There's a difference.”
Trent knew how much I loved Mia. He even encouraged me to get my shit together so that she and I could start to really expand our love. He was also a bad influence though. I was so used to hanging out with Trent that I jumped whenever he called, even if I didn’t want to.
“You plan on getting married?” he asked. “Mia’s your girl and everything, but she’s still my little sister.”
The M word got me so flustered my foot hit the gas and the car jolted toward the intersection ahead of us. I didn’t have time to get my foot on the brake well before my beer spilled onto my lap, causing me to swerve and slide all over the road. Trent laughed and howled like a hyena, like the car spiraling out of control was some kind of fantasy of his. Before I knew it, we were sliding into oncoming traffic and then collided head-on with a stopped car.
I never told Mia I was the one driving the car that night. Trent forbade me to tell her because he told the cops he was the one driving. He'd already had two priors and since he was the one who dragged me out of the house, I went along with his story. If Mia knew I was the driver that night, her raft for me would have been never-ending. Trent knew it, I knew it, hell, even Uncle Joe knew it.
After the blow up over brunch, I wheeled myself onto the trail for some fresh air. I needed to clear my head of it all. I hated feeling like everything was my fault; like I was the one to blame. Mia did an awesome job at making me feel terrible. She'd make me feel even more terrible if she knew the whole story.
I thought about telling her; spilling the entire truth to her so we could either move forward or call it quits for good. I hated being in limbo, not knowing what to say around her, or how to act. Keeping my secret to myself made it even harder to be around her. I felt guilty every time we locked eyes.
When I got back from the trail, Mia was waiting on the porch for me to return. Uncle Joe had already gone and left me alone to hear Mia out. I wasn't afraid of facing my demons, but her raft was one thing I didn’t stand a chance against.
“We need to talk,” she said. “I’m staying here until I figure out where Trent is and how I can help him. So, until then, you and I need to have a heart to heart, hash everything out, and I have questions about that night. Uncle Joe gave me a look earlier that makes me wonder if there’s something I'm not aware of.”
A nervous lump grew in my throat. I had thoughts of coming clean to her while I was on the trail, but I wasn’t quite ready to speak it the minute I got back. Not while Mia was in a clear fit of rage on the verge of boiling over.
“If all you’re going to do is yell and point fingers, then I don't want to talk,” I said. “I’ve got enough going on in my own life to keep reliving the same night for the rest of it.”
She snapped her neck back like she was surprised by my straightforwardness, but she didn’t contest. It was the first time she’d actually held her tongue when it was obvious that she had something to say.
“Alright, fine,” she said. “I can promise to keep my cool as long as you promise to be honest with me. About everything. Don't hold anything back from me, Brayden. Ever since the night this happened, I've felt so empty and dark inside. I was never this kind of girl. I was always the life of the party, smiling, dancing. Now? My life is a mess behind closed doors.”
I lowered my head in shame because I felt like I ruined her life. For the longest time I held my head high and stood firm about that night being an accident. So much so, I lost sight of all the events that led up to it.
“I’ll tell you what happened,” I said. “I don’t want this conversation to turn into a fight. That's not what I'm here for, Mia. I never wanted to fight with you. I never wanted us to end up the way we are now. We were like family before this, just as Uncle Joe said. I hate that such a tragic accident took us off course, in everything.”
She knew what I meant when I said everything. Not only did our family environment get ruined after that night, but our love life too. Mia and I were perfect for each other. We lifted each other up in the areas that we lacked. We helped each other. We loved each other so much that none of the things we’d gone through in life mattered. I was angry that I didn’t have that anymore and didn’t know where to begin to get it back.
