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Suddenly, Sazahk pulled back on the grip he still had around Garin’s wrist and reeled him in. Without warning, he pressed a gentle, lingering kiss to his lips.
But before Garin could appreciate it, it was over.
Sazahk caressed his cheek as Garin blinked, off balance and in denial. “I’ll see you soon.”
Garin gathered himself enough to press his lips to Sazahk’s palm and nodded once, twice, three times. “Yeah.” But they both knew that wasn’t true. Garin didn’t know when he’d next see Sazahk in person, but it wouldn’t be soon.
Bending every fiber of his will to the task, Garin turned around. He found Squad M lining his route to the exit, expressions sullen and postures bleak.
As though Garin were leaving on a suicide mission.
Or flying to the other end of the galaxy, never to return.
It kind of fucking felt like it.
Garin couldn’t meet their eyes as he rushed off the ship.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Garin forced himself forward, driving down the gangway and out of the hangar without looking back. He had done hard things before. He had done impossible things he was sure would kill him and they hadn’t. This wouldn’t either.
Duty, honor, sacrifice. The values drilled into him by the military had resonated with him so strongly, because he’d already held them deep in his core. They gave him the strength he needed to do impossible things.
Garin left the hangar behind and headed toward his family’s temporary quarters, blind to the world around him.
The problem was, he didn’t feel dutiful now. And he didn’t feel honorable. He felt like a pathetic coward, unworthy of the devotion an amazing man had bestowed on him. He’d never felt like that before.
Every pace he put between himself and Sazahk felt like a betrayal to the man he loved and to himself, but he pushed onward, reaching the apartment building Alistair Turner had put his family up in.
Each pace was not away from Sazahk, he told himself as he climbed the stairs, stomping on each step to jar the words into his bones. And it was not an abdication of responsibility. Each step was toward his sister, his brothers, his mother. It was an acceptance of the responsibility he had taken on long ago, with no regrets and no hesitation.
Sazahk understood that.
Hell, Sazahk had been willing to give him up for it.
Maybe he should have.
Garin shoved the thought away as he shoved open the door.
“Kevin, thank god. Can you close this?” Ethan pushed an overstuffed suitcase at Garin’s feet.
“He’s not gonna be able to close it. You over-packed it.” Lucas rolled his eyes as he gathered his own things from the dining room table.
“What the hell is going on here?” Garin’s horror mounted as he looked around the living room of the suite, spying a thousand bits and bobs out of place: socks, shoes, toiletry bags, notebooks, tablets, chargers, dishes, and cups. “Your transport leaves in forty minutes. You should be ready to go.”
“We are ready.” Beaty carried two duffels down the hall.
“This is not ready.” Garin pointed at Ethan’s open bag, Lucas’s notebooks piled up on the floor, and the pile of dirty dishes in the sink. “This should all be gone.”
“We’re almost ready.” Beaty dropped her bags by the door and took over reorganizing Lucas’s suitcase.
“Where’s Mom?” Garin rushed into the kitchen and turned on the faucet. They couldn’t leave the place in this mess.
“She’s in a meeting.” Ethan checked all the charging stations and under the furniture for any lingering stragglers.
“A meeting?” Garin threw him a confused look over his shoulder as he dug around under the sink for a sponge. Ethan didn’t hear him as he ran back into the hall, presumably to grab even more luggage, so Garin glanced at Beaty. “What meeting?”
“Her morning meetings.” Beaty wrestled the zipper of Ethan’s suitcase closed. “She got a job, Kevin.”
