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“Ok, let’s get that taco of yours filled with some meat,” Jade loudly announces.
“I swear I will gut you with my scissors,” I threaten her.
“No, thank you. I already have plans to get my guts rearranged by someone tonight.”
“Who?”
“Your daddy, if you keep threatening me bitch. I’ll become your stepmom, set a bedtime for eight pm, and change the Wi-Fi password.” Jade deadpans, and while I think she may be joking, she fancies my dad enough to try.
“I refuse to call you mommy. Now, what’s the next question?” I ask her, wanting to get on with this so I can leave and go home to Marco.
“Oh, I already filled in this one, so the next one is…” She leaves me in suspense as she reads the question on my phone, furrowing her brow as she does: “What is your guilty pleasure?”
“And why do you look confused by that?” I laugh.
“I was trying to figure out if it was a kink question or not, so to be safe, we’ll answer for both,” She says, her fingers already poised to write my answer.
“Okayyy then,” I drone. “The normal answer would have to be a cheese sandwich, but you microwave it so it's soft and gooey.”
“Barf.”
“Don’t diss my sandwich.”
“I will if it’s deserved, now for the kink one.” She prompts, but I’m honestly stumped.
I’ve not had sex in a year, and I feel as if a spider has taken up residence in my coochie and woven a tiny webby home.
Telling her as much, I take no joy in the utter happiness that crosses her face.
“Got it. So I’ll put anal,” she preens, and I have to physically restrain myself from stabbing her with my teaspoon.
“Don’t you fucking dare,” I hiss at her.
“Then give me something because being used as a blow-up sex doll is not what I’m writing down for you. I’m trying to find you a man, not arrange a manhunt for your dead body.”
“Spoilsport. Just put down spanking or something like that,” I wave my hand dismissively at her, hoping this is the final question.
“Fine,” she sighs like I’m a bother to her when she is the one who insists on this horrible idea. “I think that’s everything; you’ll get a notification for the time, date, and place once they’ve found you your perfect match! Ooo bitch I am so excited for you to get out of that funky dunk you are in finally!”
“I am not in a funk. Me and the destroyer get on perfectly fine.”
She ignores me; of course, but I can’t help the snort of laughter that escapes me as I watch the grimace on her face.
“Ya nasty,” she finally says, stacking our cups on the plates to take back up to the counter.
Mainly as an excuse to talk to Jackson. She’s been trying to get access to his Python for months now.
No, literally. She’s obsessed with snakes, and he’s the only person around here that we know who owns one.
“Do you need a ride home?” I ask her.
“No need. I’m going to DNF first for the new sexy book I told you about, then I have that date,” Jade says, applying a fresh coat of lipstick before we leave.
“Message me when you get home bitch,” I say, two-finger saluting her as I leave the bistro.
When I step outside, the air is crisp, and the street is bustling with people who have just finished work and are rushing to get home to do it all again tomorrow.
Thank God for being self-employed, with others who I trust to work for me when I need a day off. Being a hairdresser is my life passion.
I love giving people the confidence and change they need. Plus, I love colorful hair.
But right now, I want to get home to Marco and cuddle with him on the sofa while we binge-watch the Great British Bake Off.
