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I turned on my heel, the door slamming shut with a finality that echoed in the tight space. Each step away felt like climbing out of a dark pit, the air easier to breathe with distance.
Back in the safety of my car, I leaned against the steering wheel, chest heaving. What the hell was I thinking? That wasn't me anymore, not since Arnold. But damn, the mess between us felt insurmountable.
I drove home, the silence in the car thick around me. Tomorrow, I'd face Arnold and tell him that this is who I was. I'd never lied. Aside from slipping in and out of the persona I'd created for my career, I'd never misled him.
But tonight, I crawled into bed alone, the shadows stretching long across the ceiling. Arnold's face flickered behind my closed lids, a reminder of what I stood to lose. Sleep tugged at me, heavy and insistent.
Please let tomorrow be kinder than today. I just needed to sleep. A place where this dumb shit couldn't reach me. The sheets were cool as I wiggled around in them, trying to find a comfy position. I lay there, eyes tracing the patterns of shadows on the ceiling.
Arnold's face flickered above me, his blue eyes clouded with hurt. Damn it, why'd I have to be such a mess? Why couldn't I just have a normal job? Like a secretary or something boring like that?
Chill air brushed against my skin, goosebumps blossoming. I yanked the comforter up to my chin, seeking warmth that evaded my heart. Tomorrow loomed like a cliff edge, and here I was without a parachute.
I squeezed my eyes shut. My mind raced—rehearsed apologies, planned declarations, hopeful outcomes. They tangled and knotted into a mess until I couldn't discern one from the other.
Sleep. Goddamn why won't be brain shut off? But sleep was a coy lover tonight, dancing just out of reach. I turned onto my side, facing the wall, the cool paint a silent confidant.
It'll all be okay. It had to be. This was the first real connection I'd ever formed.
My eyelids grew heavy, the week's drama winding down, emotions ebbing into fatigue. I drifted, the edges of consciousness blurring.
