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I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about telling him a dozen times over the years. In moments where I was especially lonely or even courageous, I’d look him up and wonder if I was still doing the right thing in keeping Rory from her father… but then I’d come across another tabloid article and I’d remember who Nathan Sterling was. Rich. Spoiled. Famous. Irresponsible.
“Slow down, Iz. Telling Nathan the truth and letting him be Rory’s father are two vastly different things. I mean, Rory’s entitled to support, and it’s not like he’s hurting for money. You struggled for years because of him… and he should have to make up for that somehow.”
“It’s not his fault he didn’t know… besides, Ev, I don’t want his money. Just like I didn’t want Mom and Dad’s money. I committed to do this on my own, and I have. Now, I just want to do my job and avoid Nathan Sterling as much as I possibly can. I know this goes without saying but, you can’t tell him anything.” I find myself chewing my lip, waiting for him to promise that he’ll keep his sometimes extremely large mouth closed. In my brother’s defense, he’s kept my secret all these years, I doubt he’d break sibling code now… but then again, Nathan wasn’t back in my life until now.
“It’s not my secret to tell,” says Evan, and I finally let out a breath. “I just want to be here for you… like I should’ve been in the beginning.”
Here we go again. Any time Evan and I have a deep conversation, we somehow circle back to guilt. Evan feels guilty because of how he reacted when I confirmed what he surmised about Aurora. I don’t blame him for being upset, I was seventeen and I’d just run away from home leaving behind nothing but a note as explanation. I did eventually call to tell them the truth. They’d reacted about the way I expected, but they gradually warmed up to the idea. Since then, I’ve sent them pictures of Rory here and there, chatted on birthdays, but I’ve yet to go back to Tennessee to visit. I just can’t face them after the rash way I behaved. I’m not ashamed of Rory—never that—but I am ashamed of myself.
But it’s been long enough. At this point, I’d like never to think about that period of my life again. “Evan, I’ve told you a million times. It’s in the past.”
“I know, but—”
“You are a great uncle to Rory. That’s the only thing that matters.” I glance at the clock. It’s getting late, which reminds me, “Hey, isn’t it like three am in London?”
“Yeah,” he says, “I’ll let you go, but I’ll see you Wednesday. Don’t forget you’re picking me up from the airport.”
He could just get an Uber, he’s a pilot for crying out loud. He lives at the airport. But my brother is one of those people that requires a welcome wagon. Every. Damn. Time. I scoff and shake my head, but smile all the same. “Should we make you one of those signs, that’s just your last name, like I’m your chauffeur sent to pick you up at the gate?”
“It doesn’t count if you don’t.”
“Goodnight, you big pain in the ass.”
Jules accosts me the second I walk into the office the next morning. “Well? Tell me everything? Did you see him? Did you talk to him?”
“Jules, it was a disaster. I never should’ve taken this contract.” I drop my bag on the floor and sink into my chair, letting my forehead thunk against my desk top. The small reality still hadn’t quite sunk in. I’d seen Nathan, spoken to Nathan, kissed Nathan- the father of my child and maybe the love of my life, and the world hadn’t imploded.
Julia, smacking on a piece of gum, perches on the edge of the desk and rubs comforting circles on my back. “I say this with all the love in the world. Grow some balls, Rossi.”
My head snaps up. “I have balls! That doesn’t mean I like having to work beside ‘he who shall not be named’… especially given the fact that he doesn’t know about Rory, or why I left town.” I gesture wildly with my hands. “As far as he knows I’m just his old friend’s little sister, who he hooked up with one time and never spoke to again! You should’ve seen the way he looked at me. All charming… and with those teeth, and those arms.” I bury my face in my hands. “What am I going to do?” I don’t even want to confess about the kiss. Plus it was innocent. It didn’t mean anything.
“Well,” says Jules, arching a single sculpted brow. “I, for one, think you should tell that man the truth, climb him like a tree, have a dozen more babies, and live a life of luxury… but that’s just what I would do.”
I shoot her a glare. “There will be no tree climbing. I don’t even know him. Whoever he was in high school, he has clearly changed. The man has a different supermodel on his arm every night. He parties constantly. He’s like the complete opposite of a responsible adult. If the words fuckboy were in the dictionary, it would just be a picture of Nathan Sterling… in fact, look on the internet—it might be just a picture of him.” I reach for my laptop in my bag like I’m going to check.
“Ha ha.” Jules shakes her head. “Look, that may be true… but tabloids are notorious for exaggerating, and they aren’t exactly known for their journalistic integrity. It’s been years since you’ve spoken to him. I know he was Evan’s friend and not yours, but you clearly liked him—given what happened. Maybe he’s actually a good guy.”
“And maybe he’s exactly what he seems.”
“But you won’t know unless you give him a chance.” She shakes her head. “I still cannot believe you never told me that Nathan was the father. I mean I’d have been shouting that from the rooftops.”
“Hence why I never told you. Plus, would you even have believed me? I was a nobody in high school… and he was…. Nathan.” Needless to say, Julia and I ran in different circles from Nathan and Evan. Jules was treasurer of the drama department. I don’t think she had one single class with Nathan. When she’d come over to my house, the boys would pretend we didn’t exist, and that was when they were home at all.
They had a life. Me? Not so much.
Jules focuses her eyes on me like laser beams. “You were not nobody. You’re gorgeous. You’re the only one that never seemed to notice.” She waggles her eyebrows. “And it looks like Nathan is noticing now.”
I frown, one might even say I was pouting, but I deserved to pout. I was in an impossible situation. “Alternate solution—you handle everything related to the Cowboys, and I manage things here.”
“Nice try.” She hops off the desk. “Just keep an open mind. That’s all I’m saying.”
My ringing phone interrupts our conversation. We both glance at the caller ID and see Lila’s name, the team manager, pop up.
“Speaking of keeping an open mind…” Jules winks as she scoops up the phone. “Rossi Marketing, Julia speaking… yes, she’s right here, Lila, one moment.”
I force a smile, as I take the phone. My mother always told me to smile, even on the phone, because the other person can hear a frown. I don’t know how true that is, but I’ve never needed it to be true as much as I do right now. “Lila,” I say pleasantly, “what can I do for you?”
Julia scurries off to her desk, I’m sure so that she can listen into the call on her phone.
