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Like I said, I was young and stupid.
I’m not sure what I expected, really. For all the vivid details I do remember, I can’t for the life of me recall what the hell was going through my head when he unzipped my dress… nor what I thought he’d say or do when we were done.
It had been awkward. I had been awkward. He was Nathan Sterling, he’d been with tons of girls—probably. The last thing he’d want would be his friend’s kid sister professing her love after he took her virginity on prom night. I mean, how cliche is that? So, I’d played it cool, clamped down on those words, and said instead, “We should probably get home. My curfew is eleven.”
God, I still cringe even thinking about it. My curfew is eleven? Who did I think I was?
Nathan cleared his throat, expression closing off. “Right. Of course.”He’d helped me up and said little else as we walked back to his car and drove to my house.
Weeks went by and I didn’t see much of Nathan. With graduation and everything, he and Evan were busy. I’d spent my first week of summer break holed up in my room with the worst stomach flu in the history of mankind… only it wasn’t the stomach flu. By the time I’d realized I was pregnant, that day in my room when Jules promised it would be okay, Nathan had already been signed by the New York Jets, and was packing to move away from our hometown in Nowheresville, Tennessee.
I knew that I needed to tell him, that it was the right thing to do. Evan was throwing him a big celebratory going away party at our house, half our high school was going to be there. I didn’t want to rain on his parade, but it was my one chance.
I had these big plans to pull him aside and tell him what had happened… and I’d dreamed he’d take me with him to New York, away from my very traditional family, in our very conservative town.
But before I got the chance to talk to him, I overheard him and Evan talking about how lucky Nathan was to be free of our small-town life—and it occurred to me, that I was part of that life. I was one of the things he was now free of.
He was going to be some rich football star… the last thing he needed was a pregnant teenage girlfriend tagging along for the ride. Even saying that sentence in my head made me squirm. That is some Judge Judy shit, and I wanted no part of it. Nathan had a real chance to be someone, and I couldn’t truly claim I loved him if I took that away.
I packed my things the next morning. Sure, it was impulsive, but what choice did I have? I already knew my parents would disown me if they knew what I’d done (cousin Amanda, anyone?) So, I left a letter for my parents explaining why I’d gone. I promised I’d be in touch one day, when I was ready to face them with my dignity intact, after I’d made something of myself in spite of my bad choices.
Thank god for Julia. I don’t know what I’d have done without her. It just so happened that Julia had graduated and was going to community college in Dallas. So, to Dallas we went. We got a small apartment. I worked at a coffee shop and finished my GED. Then, I went to that same community college and eventually UT Dallas, where I studied marketing.
I’d watched from afar as Nathan’s career took off. It wasn’t at all surprising that Nathan Sterling became the instant star of the NFL and darling of every tabloid. His broad muscled frame and boyish good looks made him a female fan favorite and I intimately remembered the way his whiskey brown eyes could suck you into another dimension.
The baby was born in March, right near the beginning of my first semester at the community college. I named her Aurora, the Latin word for dawn, because it reminded me of prom night, the way I’d stayed awake long after Nathan took me home. I’d sat on the little slope of the roof outside my bedroom window that morning, watching the sunrise with no idea what was in store for me.
But the moment I’d seen Rory, with her thatch of dark hair, which was all Nathan, I knew immediately that I had made the right decision, and I’d never questioned myself again.
Until today.
“And she lived happily ever after.” I shut our hardback copy of Grimm’s Fairytales. Happily ever after is decidedly not how the story of the Little Mermaid ends, but I’m not sure Rory is ready for mermaids evaporating into sea foam and eternal damnation. Why my brother thought this book was an appropriate gift for a second grader is beyond me.
I can’t wait for Evan to have kids of his own. Payback will be sweet.
“Goodnight, Mommy,” Rory says, snuggling into her blankets.
“Night, Bug.” I switch off the light and leave the door open so Murphy can sleep at the foot of Rory’s bed as he so often does. I linger a moment in the doorway, taking in the scene, all that I’ve accomplished.
I find myself needing to be reminded that I have nothing to be ashamed of and everything to be proud of. I can’t let Nathan Sterling get in my head. Not when my life is going so well.
The moment I step into my room, my phone rings. Ironically, it’s my brother, purchaser of inappropriate children’s gifts. Speak of the devil and he appears… Evan is in London and I’m pretty sure it’s the middle of the night there. Sudden panic grips me as I think of a hundred reasons he may be calling in the middle of the night.
“Hello? Evan? Is everything ok?”
“Why wouldn’t it be?” He says.
I let out a breath. “I’m just surprised to hear from you, I guess.”
“Well, I was more surprised to hear from Nathan fucking Sterling…”
Ah. So that’s why he’s calling. I sigh and press my eyes closed. Of course, Nathan texted Evan. I really should’ve seen that coming. The two of them were practically inseparable growing up. Some things never change.
“Yeah. I got the contract for the Cowboys. I didn’t find out Nathan was traded to them until after I submitted a bid for the job. I never in a million years thought I’d actually get it. I thought about passing on the contract, but the money is so good.”
“I mean, you deserve the job, Izzy… but what are you going to do about Nathan? Are you going to tell him about Rory?”
“God, no!” I flop back on my bed. “No way. I mean, you’ve seen the tabloids, right? He’s like this rich playboy asshole. A guy like that doesn’t want a family. Can you see him ditching nightclubs for PTO meetings, because I can’t? Plus, after so much time has passed… what would I even say?”
